Random & Incoherent
Friday, October 28, 2005
  it's Jacobi time
with a title like "Beer for the Internet", you knew I was going to check it out.

And I wasn't disappointed.

With ponderings such as:
"You know how if you put someone's hand into warm water, they piss themselves without waking up?

Well, I was just wondering what would happen if you hit them with a warm water balloon. You don't suppose they'd shit themselves, do you?

If they did, I think I would deserve a prize for figuring it out first. Something like a Nobel prize, but for people who behave like they're 12."

How can you not be intrigued?

I highly suggest giving Formal Dining Etiquette 101 a read.

Warning: Not for the easily offended.
  All drugs have two names
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it was recently announced that is has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix,
and of course, Ibepokin.

In other drug news today, Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will
soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as
a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names
of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink."

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"

as submitted by: KR
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
  To be chosen or to be sent home
Due the fact that I was not chosen on Monday to be on the jury for the case of the rowdy redneck bar fight, I was instructed to return on Wednesday for a second round of selection.

I arrived at the courthouse about 8:50 A.M., walked through the metal detector (setting it off, but explained to the old bailiff that I was there for jury duty and he waved me through), signed in at the reception area and was directed to wait in the hallway. From there we were shuttled into a conference room down one of the back hallways of the courthouse. There were about 24 other folks in this conference room with me, which was only about an 8' x 25' box with one long table in the middle and the surrounding walls lined with very uncomfortable chairs. Had it been a 10 minute wait they would not have been that bead, but due to the fact that we had been sitting there like a can full of sardines for an hour, they weren't what you would call plush.

Justice is anything but swift.

1 hour and 5 minutes into my new life as a sardine, a clerk pokes her head into the room to see how many people would like coffee. 1 hour and 5 minutes of waiting before we were even asked if we wanted coffee, let alone told anything about the day's proceedings.

Before the coffee has even arrived, another clerk pokes into the room and starts calling out numbers. The people to which the numbers correspond are shuttled out into the hall for round one of today's selection process. This leaves 9 of us in the conference room.

unfortunately, out of the remaining 9, one woman felt the need to speak for the next hour. Not anything of any significance, but rather to hear the sound of her own voice. I can only imagine that this woman has an issue dealing with silence. I mean, how bad do you need attention that you are willing to read aloud from the newspaper inserts the price of paint at the local Home Depot?

Due to her constant blabbering I did learn a few things about my fellow juror. She was a former professional painter. She does not use any tape, drop cloth, or rollers. She sticks to a simple brush and a damp paper towel. She also confessed to not being able to lift a five gallon bucket of paint.

Well good, now I can die happy with this newfound knowledge.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

I wanted to take the very pen that I was writing with and stab her in the eye. Unfortunately, I know this would only convince her to make more noise, and that's something I'm trying to avoid. On the upside, due to the extremely close proximity of the courthouse, maybe they can try my case in less than a week and I can enjoy the silence of solitary confinement.

Her phone rings. She states, out loud, that she does not know who it is that is calling her. A wave of concern washes over me until I realize that I don't care! And neither does anyone else in the room, as is evident by the cumulative rolling of the eyes.

At 11:30, those of us remaining are finally cattle prodded into the court room and into the jury box. It is finally our turn to be asked questions to try and get out of jury duty. My standard response of "death penalty" is ready and waiting.

This is the case of the woman caught with Mary Jane.
We are asked questions about negative experiences with police officers, to which I raise my hand, stating that up to this point in my life I have yet to have a positive experience, and give them an example of one of the many times I have been pulled over and searched while waiting on the drug dog to sniff my car. We are asked if we have ever indulged in the smoking of cannabis. The painter lady states that she has puffed previously, as do I. We are the only 2 out of 14 that make this claim. Somehow, I think that some of my fellow jurors were lying. Especially dreadlocks one row down from me.

For whatever reason, neither the defense nor the prosecution liked my answers well enough to keep me for the trial.

And so I return home, 50 dollars of my tax money back in my pocket, and the equivalent of bed sores on my ass from sitting in those uncomfortable office chairs for 4 hours.

I now consider myself a patriot.
  The process....the monotony
While waiting for assignment, we witness jury selection for a shoplifting case. Both prosecution and defense have an opportunity to question potential jurors to determine background and whether having a particular person sit on the jury will be helpful or harmful to their case.
This process is very time consuming.
I can only imagine how long it must take to chose jurors for something more serious such as rape or murder, or anything that might be more emotionally involving than shoplifting.

Watching the jury selection process, you see 14 people file into the court room, passing the defense and prosecution tables. I'd love to see someone, as they pass in front of the defendant, stare him down, saying either: "I know what you did" or "guilty". I'm wondering how long the decision to remove that person from the jury would take. I'm also wondering how freaked out the defendant would be. Talk about lightening the mood for the rest of us, though!
  Justice is served
My favorite irony of serving jury duty is the fact that the state pays you for your "services". We were told that we would be getting paid $25.00 per day. But who was paying us? That's right, the state. Now where does the state get the money to pay you for your civic duty? Well, as a tax paying citizen, it was coming out of my paycheck, along with monies for roads, schools, prisons, etc. So essentially, I was paying myself to possibly serve on a jury. I would have ponied up the money to not be involved in the process at all, but that's not the way it works. When was the last time you actually got to choose what your tax money paid for?

Probably the most humorous moment that I saw during my time in the State Court of Georgia was the court reporter. She was female, somewhere in her forties, and wearing a purple blazer and skirt combo. She was sitting at a desk between the judge and jury during the initial selection process. She was speaking into some kind of microphone contraption to be able to record the events of the trial. Word to the wise: know your surroundings. Especially if you plan on wearing an above the knee skirt to work. She had managed to swivel her chair to a point that it was facing the court room audience, stealing glances between the judge and the jury. Now due to the angles involved, and the fact that she was wearing an above the knee skirt, the court reporter had managed to give the entire viewing audience quite an upskirt shot. And trust me, Sharon Stone she ain't. This all could have been avoided had she simply kept her middle-aged legs underneath the work surface that was her desk. Since she didn't, I was able to taste breakfast for the second time that morning.
  To protect and to serve
Two things struck me as inappropriate when dealing with a court of law.

The first were the 2 Sheriff’s deputies that were checking people in as the walked through the door of the courthouse ready to comply with their civic duty. These 2 bailiff’s were both well past their prime. Well into their seventies. Neither one of which was strapped.
One the off chance that I was walking into this building with the sole purpose of mass destruction, as opposed to being a productive member of society, do you really think that an old black guy and an old white woman would stop me from opening fire as if I were at a turkey shoot? The phrase “fish in a barrel” comes to mind.

The second was the bailiff’s in the courtroom itself.
This time it was a different old white woman and an overweight redneck lookin’ middle-aged white guy. The old woman, yet again, was not carrying. The middle-aged guy was, as well as wearing a bullet-proof vest. However, it didn’t look as if he would be able to roll out of his chair quickly enough to draw and aim. They both best served as targets.

This is very disturbing due to the fact that the whole Brian Nichols thing wasn’t all that long ago. Apparently the Georgia judicial system does not learn from previous mistakes.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Just be extra aware of the braking capability of ANY bike you choose to hop onto
  One year on the blog
  Would you like to play a game?
Say what you will about Saddam, I never knew he could stand up to all the pressure of being a ruthless dictator and still enjoy a nice game of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Dude! WTF is two papers?
  Apparently, I need a lot
Kevin needs his friends to constantly tell him he's the best
Kevin needs your help
Kevin needs Your Money
Kevin needs to be locked up
Kevin needs to go to hell
Kevin needs therapy
Kevin needs expert witnesses
Kevin needs a prescription for Fluoride 0.5 mg chewable tablet
Kevin needs a bigger motorized chair
Kevin needs to rest
Kevin needs some female vocals
Kevin needs to give himself a good speaking part
Kevin needs to post more hot gf photos
Kevin needs room for his dialogue
Kevin needs a VCR or CD computer disk with projection screen
Kevin needs to learn that thats just part of his job
Kevin needs to pull up his pants

I learned all of these things simply by asking the question: What does "Kevin need"?

Google can help you determine what you need as well.
  It's all about the Benjamin's

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Funny enough, this is more than I have accumulated in my saving's account
Monday, October 24, 2005
  one big ass list
Others have done it before, now I decided it was my turn
some of you may know some of these things, some of you may not
most of you probably don't care, but suck it up and read anyway

fresh from the gray matter:
100 Things about Mellanman

1. Having spent the better part of my life in glasses/contacts, I have recently undergone the Lasik eye treatment and now no longer have to be constrained to such devices

2. Not a part of the punk scene, but have owned at least one pair of “Doc Marten” shoes over the course of the last 15 years. They are the most consistently comfortable pair of shoes ever

3. Pierced my left ear while I was in college. A candle, a stick pin, a cube of ice, and quite a bit of alcohol was involved

4. I was a state champion in SC for male gymnastics, 3 years running

5. I attended the Olympic training camp in Colorado Springs, and realized I was not good enough to ever compete at that level

6. I was in honor level courses in high school, but never really put forth much effort

7. The only reason I chose psychology as a major in college was due to the fact that I found it easy, not because I really wanted a career in that field

8. When I walked across the stage to collect my college diploma, I had not officially graduated.

9. I did not graduate due to having failed “Typing 101”

10. I failed “Typing 101” due to an attendance issue (I was a senior and it was an 8 am class)

11. I officially graduated by going to summer school and taking a broadcast class. I was on-air at the college radio station to earn the remaining credits to graduate. Sure beats typing

12. My first job out of college was at a group home for behaviorally challenged children.

13. I made less money at my first job than my GED counterparts

14. During my first year out of college, I had no residence. I would stay at the group home during my shift, then drive 6 hours to the beach to stay with my girlfriend (now my wife)

15. I procrastinate at almost everything I do, but when I get around to doing something, I’m not going to leave until it’s finished

16. My career as a gymnast was cut short due to injury. But it probably happened at the right time, as I did not feel that I could achieve any higher in that field

17. My joints have been abused to the point early onset arthritis (and a little heredity)

18. I have dislocated my shoulder

19. I have fallen, face down, from the second story of a house

20. I’ve been in emergency rooms in TN, SC, NC, OH, and CA

21. I have refused to go to the emergency room in GA, although probably needed to go

22. I wrote an essay in 5th grade during “fire safety” week that won me the title of “Honorary Fire Chief” in Lakewood, Ohio

23. I had accidentally set a piece of the carpet in my room on fire

24. I have accidentally set a pot of ribs on fire, turning the cabinets black, setting the smoke alarms off, and raising suspicion from my neighbors

25. I have accidentally blown up a pile of leaves in my backyard, on Thanksgiving, requiring the local fire dept. to show up

26. I have accidentally covered my arms in 1st to 3rd degree burns when inappropriately lighting a gas grill, also lost all facial hair (even the eyebrows)

27. In one weekend I have experienced what has been listed as the most stressful activities a person can encounter

28. Got married on Saturday, moved from NC to GA on Monday, started a new job on Tuesday. My wife had to go back to NC to finish out her 2 weeks

29. I have never broken a bone in my body

30. I have a disdain for doctors and the medical profession, to which I will avoid at all costs any trip to a hospital/doctor’s office/dentist

31. I believe that we as a society are too dependent on prescription drugs and do not believe that every little problem should be solved with drugs

32. Outside of a cruise to Mexico, I have never been out of the country

33. I moved to GA in an attempt to build a career in “Corporate America”

34. I feel I have accomplished the career goal to it’s fullest potential and am now ready to move elsewhere and try something new

35. I never thought I would own my own home, yet I am currently in the process of selling my second house

36. During my four years working in a fast food establishment through college, I never spent money on groceries, rather eating at my place of employment

37. I have three tattoos. Two of which I obtained while in college and had touched-up after moving to GA, and one I got after my son was born. And I don’t think I’m done yet

38. I haven’t worn a wristwatch in over 2 years

39. During the course of laundry day, I fold my socks and underwear, and some people find this to be odd

40. I don’t let my wife do my laundry, it’s a bit of my obsessive compulsive disorder coming through

41. After my first year of college (out of state) I determined I did not want to return home. I got myself a second job and worked on gaining residency in NC

42. I shared a one bedroom apartment with 2 other guys, which was ok, I had 2 jobs, I was never there

43. I met my wife by inadvertently pissing her off on morning on the way to class

44. Even though I’m prone to have a f*ck off mentality, I am still concerned with whether or not I have hurt someone’s feelings

45. I am jealous of one of my best friends

46. I don’t feel that I have found my calling in life, or that I even have one

47. I think that I have done everything one is supposed to to become successful, yet I do not feel that I have achieved it

48. My first car was a 1984 Ford Escort GT, I had it for a week

49. Everything is material for a joke, whether it has happened to me, someone I know, or people I don’t. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be in good taste, just that it’s a target

50. I have injured myself, to the point of bleeding, while break dancing. Unfortunately, I have witnesses

51. I have been bitch smacked by a refrigerator

52. I prefer Lowe’s to Home Depot for all of my hardware/home project needs

53. I’m not good at math

54. I’m fidgety, which manifests itself in my hands, occasionally in my tapping toes

55. I like to dance, but feel like I look like a fool, which is why it normally happens when there has been much alcohol involved

56. There has only been one beer that I have tried that will pass these lips again, and that was Gennessee Cream Ale, anything else, as long as it’s cold, is probably going to be alright

57. Contrary to popular belief, I have never experimented with “hard” drugs

58. I have never been in a fist fight

59. I was involved in Model U.N. while in high school, not because I really wanted to, but because my friends were doing it and there were overnight trips involved. Plus it looks good on a college application

60. I can’t remember that last time I actually had an original idea

61. I’m still wearing the same belt, on a daily basis, that I got in middle school

62. I have zero interest in organized sports (football, baseball, basketball, etc)

63. Foosball, darts, pool, beer pong, flippy cup, these are all organized sports I can get behind

64. I’m still amazed that I can take pictures with my phone and then send it out as email

65. My son is the best surprise I’ve ever gotten, no matter how often he sends me into fits of ranting/raving

66. My wife, a former computer science student, thinks it’s my goal in life to keep her in the technological dark ages, I think she just doesn’t want to be bothered by it and leaves it to me to figure out

67. I have not replaced the remote I had in my car for the garage door opener. Only my wife has one. I still use the old fashioned key to gain entry to my house through the front door

68. I’ve lost touch with at least one of my high school buddies. But the door swings both ways

69. As I get older, I start seeing my life as an episode of “Survivor”, voting off people that I feel have no bearing on my future life, or bring nothing to the table

70. I almost had an opportunity to be on the “Judge Hatchett” show, but apparently all parties weren’t interested in airing out laundry in such a fashion

71. I currently have a 2 car garage that cannot be used to park vehicles in. One half has been turned into a bar, the other half is storage. Therefore the cars stay in the driveway

72. I absolutely abhor yard work

73. I give blood at every blood drive that is held at my place of employment, yet give nothing to any other charity

74. I fear growing older and losing the ability to move on my own

75. I enjoyed my wedding day and wouldn’t trade the woman I married for anyone, but I think we both would have been happier to have done it a different way

76. I have only been in one car accident, and it wasn’t during the 5 years in Atlanta with it’s numerous interstates crisscrossing the city, but rather a state highway in the mountains of NC

77. I consider myself a handy man, not handy enough to build something from scratch, but handy enough to fix certain things and assemble others, considering there are directions

78. I have learned that if the road is clear and the hill is steep enough, you can get a 1979 Toyota Celica to cross the 100MPH mark

79. You can never go wrong if you spend any part of your day at a festival of some sorts

80. I am not racist, but I am prejudiced, and that can cross all racial boundaries

81. I have a problem saying “no” to people, which often leads me to doing things that I otherwise would opt out of

82. I recognize the need to exercise, but cannot find the motivation to do so

83. I’m not a big fan of children. I like mine just fine, it’s other people’s kids that tend to get on my nerves

84. I think I would like a chance to be “Mr. Mom”

85. My drugs of choice are nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine (although I’m making a concerted effort to cut out the caffeine: you know, the worse of the three)

86. I prefer “cheap” beer to the expensive stuff, but that’s due to the philosophy of drinking for quantity rather that quality

87. I have never unintentionally locked my keys in the car

88. I have been blamed for many things, most of which I had no direct involvement

89. I wholeheartedly believe in the death penalty and think that it should be utilized more often

90. I believe that if you rape/murder/molest you do not deserve to share the air that I breathe

91. I do not believe that the government should tell business how to run their businesses

92. I think the punishment should fit the crime

93. I don’t care if you inhaled

94. I have learned that there more important things in my life than me

95. Technology’s great, when it works, but when it breaks, my wife expects me to be able to fix it and fix it easily, not always that case. Thank God for warranties

96. Desecrations to the English language make my skin crawl, much like the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard

97. I wish I knew how to do automotive work, like rebuild an engine, but I’ll settle for learning how to do my own tune-up

98. I’ve been to the Nation’s capital and wasn’t impressed. Could’ve been due to the fact that I was in middle school at the time

99. I feel persecuted as a smoker

100. A list like this is harder than it looks, and harder than originally anticipated
  Slap Your Co-Worker Day is coming!!

Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday: Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't care about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! These are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a great day!

As submitted by MZO
Sunday, October 23, 2005
  Are you threatening me?

It has been stated in the past that I have a slight resemblance to "The Great Cornholio".
I'm not quite sure when this started, but it most definitely is a fun role to play.

There was a trip to the beach many years ago where I, like Beavis, would proceed to go into a seizure, pulling his shirt over his head and ranting nonsensically in a foreign accent, particularly about being someone named Cornholio needing "TP" (toilet paper) for his "bunghole."

Except I wasn't really talking about "TP" or "bungholes", unless requested. All I know is that I spent a 4 day trip mangling my words in some sort of "spanglish". The only problem with this was that, when done for that long, it is difficult to stop cold turkey.

Add to that, the fact that at the time I worked for a rent to own furniture and appliance company which held in it's grip a largely Spanish speaking clientele. You try speaking to Mexicans like "The Great Cornholio" while attempting to collect money and/or reposses over due items and see how far that gets you!

And if you ever find youself in Conyers and you see Bob, tell him "F*ck you, Bob"!

But try and use your best "Cornholio" voice.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
  Too much friction can be a bad thing
How the Stick People became extinct

Brings new meaning to the phrase "having that 'burning' feeling"
Friday, October 21, 2005
  Who's your froggy?
Guess he got tired of the taste of bacon.

If Miss Piggy ever finds out, there'll be frog's legs on the menu that night!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
  N.C. State is a redneck school
Who you tryin' to get crazy with, esse? Don't you know I'm loco?

Company apologizes to N.C. State over Jumbotron image

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) -- The company that produces images and content for North Carolina State home games has apologized to the university for an offensive image that appeared on the Jumbotron during last week's game against Clemson.

The incident occurred during the Wolfpack's 31-10 loss to Clemson last Thursday. After several fans were featured on the video screen with titles such as "Kissing Cam" and "Fan Cam," an image appeared with the title "Mexi-Cam"

"Mexi" is offensive? In North Carolina? Is it now offensive to refer to certain types of eateries as tex-"mex"?
I've never really been a fan of the jumbotron being used to showcase people in the stands in the first place. If I'm at the game, I want to see the game, not some jerkoff zooming in on certain folks in the audience. So to me the "kiss cam," "fan cam," "retard cam," "hotdog cam, " or any other cam for that matter are offensive. But not for the phrasing they use, just for the images they portray.

"In addition to the embarrassment, someone had the audacity, prejudice and disgrace to think the 'Mexi-Cam' might bring a bit of humor to the otherwise dismal game," the editorial read.

Ten to one says that the guy that did this was trying to be funny, not disgraceful, prejudiced, or audacious. But then again, this is America. We can't make fun of people that are different than us anymore.

At least it wasn't labeled the "Spic-cam."

"With so much national attention that this game received, such a childish stunt merely confirmed to the outside world that N.C. State is a redneck school."

How turning the jumbotron into a "mexi-cam" qualifies as "redneck", I'm still not sure. Apparently, I'll have to do some research into the matter.
  Follow-up: Bud Pong
'Bud Pong' pulled; brewer shocked beer used in game

ST. LOUIS (AP) — Anheuser-Busch (BUD) will discontinue a national promotion called "Bud Pong," a drinking game the company says is supposed to be played with water.

However, participants in the game — played with a ping pong ball and plastic cups — often were drinking beer as they lost points, according to a front-page story Sunday in The New York Times.


"It has come to our attention that despite our explicit guidelines, there may have been instances where this promotion was not carried out in the manner it was intended," Anheuser-Busch spokeswoman Francine Katz said in a statement Tuesday.

Now come on Francine, you MAKE beer. You're promoting a DRINKING game. Mainly in areas populated by college age students. Do you REALLY think people are going to drink water?
  Hurricane Survival Kit
Toilet Paper........................................check

Bud Light...........................................check

Keystone Ice........................................check


Red Dog.............................................check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol......................check

Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on...check

  Word of the Day - - 10/20/05
\bool-vair-suh-MAHNG (the "NG" is not pronounced, but the vowel is nasalized)\• noun
1 : reversal
2 : a violent disturbance : disorder

The economist pointed out that, in a bouleversement of housing trends, more people are purchasing homes now, whereas rentals have dropped off.

The above is the cheesy example sentence pulled from MW. Yet another word that I have never, even remotely, heard used in any type of conversation.

In the bouleversement that is the city of Atlanta, millions of dollars were used to turn Atlanta into a brand, wherein those monies would have been better spent reinforcing it's infrastructure.

Atlanta = bouleversement = violent disturbance
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
  Frozen to death
Yet another senseless killing. Time of death was sometime last night after 11:00 P.M.
Apparently I need to start checking the freezer again to determine if my wife is trying to exterminate beers. Such a terrible loss, and such a pathetic way to go.
  When I'm 64

I am going to die at 64. When are you? Click here to find out!

Interesting Death Facts!

Interesting Fact #1: Eunuchs are MOST likely to be threatened by the mafia.

Interesting Fact #2: Guys are 10% MORE likely than gals to answer random math questions.

Interesting Fact #3: Guys are 8% MORE likely than gals to answer random math questions CORRECTLY.

Interesting Fact #4: Those who claim to "use to have guy parts, but now have gal parts" are predicted to die the soonest at 40; next are eunuchs at 42.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
  It's all fun and games until you wake up with a hangover, then it's just fun
Beer Pong, a somewhat popular drinking game, is now being marketed by companies such as Anheuser-Busch and Miller Brewing.

Read the article here: As Young Adults Drink to Win, Marketers Join In

"It's awesome," said Chris Shannon, 22, a senior at Drexel University here. "If you win, you win. If you lose, you drink. There's no negative."

No kidding. This is exactly what college age kids want to do for fun. It combines 2 great things: beer and games. But holding these types of games at a bar means you have to pay for the overpriced brew. Do this at your house and you cut the cost by using natty lite AND you don't have to worry about driving.

Drinking games have been around since Dionysus. But a whole new industry has taken off around them, making the games more popular, more intense and more dangerous, according to college administrators who say the games are just thin cover for binge drinking.

No such thing as a "thin cover for binge drinking". That's exactly what it is: binge drinking. The only difference is your playing a game WHILE binge drinking, which makes it more entertaining. And anyone who tells you something different is not only lying to you, they're lying to themselves.

This past summer, Anheuser-Busch unveiled a game it calls Bud Pong. The company, which makes Budweiser, is promoting Bud Pong tournaments and providing Bud Pong tables, balls and glasses to distributors in 47 markets, including college towns like Oswego, N.Y., and Clemson, S.C.
"It's catching on like wildfire," said Francine Katz, a spokeswoman for Anheuser-Busch Companies Inc. "We created it as an icebreaker for young adults to meet each other."

Bullshit. A-B did not create "Bud Pong" as an icebreaker for young adults. The game already existed. A-B wanted to cash in. They created "Bud Pong" tables, balls and glasses to further ingrain their logo across America. This is all very interesting. A company that has promoted "responsible drinking" as company philosophy is now marketing a game that is directly correlated with binge drinking. How responsible is that? The best part of the whole thing is this:
But Ms. Katz said Bud Pong was not intended for underage drinkers because promotions were held in bars, not on campuses. And it does not promote binge drinking, she said, because official rules call for water to be used, not beer. The hope is that those on the sidelines enjoy a Bud.

Water? Are you shitting me? You're marketing a game with "beer" in the title, and it's held at a bar. Who goes into a bar (especially a college bar) and orders water? Nobody, that's who.

In many games, the more you lose, the more you drink, which leads to losing more and drinking more, a cycle that can spiral out of control.

Which is exactly why you shouldn't lose in the first place. But then again, a nice downward spiral can be an interesting way to spend an evening.

"When you play drinking games, you're not really in charge of how much you drink," said Brian Borsari, a psychologist at the Center for Alcohol and Addiction Studies at Brown University. "Your drinking is at the whim of other players, which can be very dangerous, especially if you're trying to fit in."

That's why you drink to get drunk, not to fit in. Too much social pressure to "fit in". Once everybody's drunk, everybody fits in.

Please be sure and check out more of the contradictions between responsible drinking and mass marketing in this story

Story submitted by JEH
  The Gematriculator
The Gematriculator is a service that uses the infallible methods of Gematria developed by Mr. Ivan Panin to determine how good or evil a web site or a text passage is.

Basically, Gematria is searching for different patterns through the text, such as the amount of words beginning with a vowel. If the amount of these matches is divisible by a certain number, such as 7 (which is said to be God's number), there is an incontestable argument that the Spirit of God is ever present in the text. Another important aspect in gematria are the numerical values of letters: A=1, B=2 ... I=9, J=10, K=20 and so on. The Gematriculator uses Finnish alphabet, in which Y is a vowel.

Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.

Random & Incoherent has been determined to be:

This site is certified 24% EVIL by the Gematriculator
This site is certified 76% GOOD by the Gematriculator

Much better than I had anticipated.
Monday, October 17, 2005
  Yo Adrian!
'‘Rocky 6'’? Stallone signs on for another round
New film will feature a retired Balboa coming out of retirement

LOS ANGELES - Sylvester Stallone is signing on to reprise his role as boxer Rocky Balboa in the sixth installment of the long-running film series, which he wrote and will direct.

This might be the only time words written from MSNBC might actually make a woman orgasm.

My wife is a "Rocky" freak. She's got all of the movies on tape. She knows all the music by heart. She knows the films forwards and backwards. She will stop what she's doing, no matter what time of day or night, if she sees any one of the "Rocky" movies on T.V., regardless of the afore mentioned fact that she's got them all on tape.

In the new installment, Rocky, lonely and retired in Philadelphia, comes out of retirement, intending to fight a few low-profile local fights. He'’s approached to fight a match with reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon, and soon his comeback ignites a media firestorm.

Stallone received Academy Award nominations for starring in and writing "Rocky",” and the 1976 MGM film won an Oscar for best picture, best director (John G. Avildsen) and best editing (Richard Halsey, Scott Conrad). The movie grossed $117.3 million at the domestic boxoffice, making Stallone a film star and creating one of cinema'’s most famous characters.

It also launched one of the most successful film series of all time.

Me? I think they should've stopped with the first one. I know I'll burn for that statement, but I guess I was never one for capitalism.
  Find the right girl
as performed by MC Vikram And Ludakrishna

as submitted by: ARM
"this is some of the funniest shit I have ever seen.....and you know I've seen a lot on the internet..."
  Chain Letter
I had never received a chain letter in the traditional sense of the word. Then along came email, and with it came the electronic version of the chain letter, the dastardly chain email! And I would think that had I received the old school version written out on paper, I would do the same thing to it that I do to the virtual variety, delete it, or in that case, introduce it to the round file.

I could rant and rave about the whole situation until I'm blue in the face, or in this case, stiff in the joints, but I don't have to. Well before he made his beliefs known for the "Whitt in '08" election, Mr. Whittington had relatively succinctly pontificated on the problem that is mass email correspondence.

I stand behind his belief regarding this matter whole-heartedly.

And, without further ado: QUIT IT!

This may sting for some of you, but it needs to be said.
I love you all, You are my family and friends.

I have to ask for the e-mails to stop.
"What e-mails", you may ask?
The e-mails I am talking about are the sad, the make a point, and the make you think about your life e-mails.
I, like most of you, work hard. I try to do good in my life and live it the best way I know how. I do not want to come home after a long day of work and read e-mails about what I should do each day, what I should say each time I am around you, how I should act, who died and how tragic their life was.
Everybody has a sob story. This may sound cold and probably is: the truth is, if I want bad news, or the story of how somebody's life changed because of some event, I will turn on the 700 club.
I also do not want the "your life sucks and you need to change it this way" e-mail, or the "forward this to 10 people and your dreams will come true" email.
This is crap.
I check my e-mail to read about how you are doing or to get a funny joke.
If this ticks you off, do not send me anything.
I would honestly rather talk to each of you in person anyway.
I personally think we could all do better in life with out so many e-mails about sad stuff bringing us down.
If this sounds like an Andy Rooney rant, Sorry!

This was written back in September of 2004. It still stands true today. I would have brought this up earlier, but I could not find the original email, plus, I just received another of the dreaded chain emails and felt it needed to be reiterated.

Bottom line, nothing is going to change if I don't send the email to 15 people in 15 minutes, so quite treating me like I'm Forrest Gump and will believe everything that you say or type.

Now, go on about your business. Don't feel pressured to share this with anyone. It's not like anybody reads these posts anyway.
  A free lunch
The only upside to my job is the occasional vendor sponsored lunch outing.
The only downside to that is when folks get adventurous.
Had a bad run-in with a thai restaurant and a more recent experience with a mexican joint. When it's bad, it's bad.
This eventually translates into intestinal discomfort, you can use your imagination for the end result.
Stick with the steakhouses. It's pretty difficult to foul up a steak.
Or a happy hour event. Those are always good.......as long as you think in advance and get a designate driver. Big up's for this past Friday night!
Nothing quite like going around the world on the beer menu, never having the same beer twice in a 5 hour span.
  Goatee Poll results
I'd like to start by thanking all of you who bothered to share an opinion in this matter.....all 7 of you.

I'll be going with the majority on this one. Good thing most people don't like change, or just don't care.
  Too cold....
What happens when your music career had dwindled and you just don't know what to do anymore? Just like Hammer you switch genres and go hardcore.

Music Video Codes By BurntPickle.com

Wednesday, October 12, 2005
  Jury Duty: Day 1
Rainy miserable morning as I park my truck in the judicial parking lot of the Henry County State Court. I pass through the metal detector at the direction of an elderly black bailiff. One of the clerks signs in juror #90 (that's me) and directs me to my assigned seat. There are approximately 100+ other civic minded individuals in my presence.

And considering my status as a pillar of the Henry Counth Community, I am both shocked and amused that I do not recognize any of my fellow jurors. Not one.

And as we await any sort of direction, I am noticing a trend amongst the HR department to hire elderly white women and overweight white men as sheriff's deputies to serve as court bailiffs. This revelation comes not too far after the Brian Nichols affair.

I can't imagine that Henry County would have any severly violent crimes that would be heard, but if they did, they are not properly staffed to handle such an event. No overweight men, nor elderly women would be able to stop my wife, let alone a stone cold killer.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
  Jury Duty: The Night Before
Everything seems normal. Junior is asleep in his bed. Until 2 A.M. that is. Of course, I have no knowledge of this due to my status as a rock-solid, sound sleeper. I was awoken at 4 A.M. to the sounds of my wife and child arguing. About what, I could not determine. At that hour, it all sounds like jibberish. Apparently, it was an indepth discussion regarding the necessity of the toilet.

Well, now that I'm awake, it's my turn to take Junior to the potty. He's adamant about having to use the toilet at four o'clock in the morning. This is the same kid who, the very day before, just looked at me and smiled as he soiled himself. Talk about a lack of consistency. But to not heed his desire to use the toilet could prove detrimental in the overall scheme of potty training.

All this excitement makes it a bit difficult to drift back to sleep. So I toss and turn for the next couple of hours, just waiting on the familiar buzz of the alarm clock to ensure I make it to court in time to fulfill my civic duty.
  Pony rides

  An Experiment with Charcoal
real estate professionals, no, really

  Towelhead........sort of
I'm not sure what the attraction is, but some how little boys heads are drawn to their underwear. Oh well, at least I'll have something to blackmail him with during the high school years.

  Jury Duty: The Experience
To complete my civic duty, I had to arrive at the Henry County State Court at 8:30 this morning. I was signed in and hustled into a room with about 100 other potential jurors.

It was at this time that we were informed that, although the State knew our time was valuable and we probably had other things to take care of (like jobs and/or families), we were performing a duty and protecting one of our freedoms, and they would not apologize for that.

It was explained that jury duty is not a one day thing. That we were on call for the entire week. One of the judges explained how minor cases are just as relevant to our legal system as major ones. It's not the size of the case that matters, but that the principal of due process is followed.

There's principalities up in here, Smokey.

"What is justice"?

Well, that's our job as jurors to determine. But since I was not selected for the bar fight case this morning, I have to return to face the process once again on Wednesday morning.
  The slide at the Henry County Fair
  A Halloween preview
Buzz Lightyear and Batman......a combination you thought you'd never see

to infinity, and beyond
  The Pimp and the Magician
  Word of the Day - - 10/10/05
Jury Duty
n : the civic duty to serve on a jury

Pursuant to Georgia Law (Title 15, Chapter 12), I am
hereby summoned to appear before the presiding judge,
Henry County State Court to serve as a State Court
My attendance is required by LAW.

I'll let you know what happens

Saturday, October 08, 2005
I think almost all kids like to play with their parent's belongings at a young age. We've all seen the pictures of our siblings walking around in mommy's heels or wearing daddy's toolbelt. And this transcends gender, and is fine up to a point. Just don't let your baby boy play with mommy's make-up. It leads to bad things. Case in point: Junior was digging through mommy's purse and stumbles across her make-up bag. He starts pulling out the different implements, ends up with some on his face. Now, instead of wiping it off, mommy decides it would be fun to apply more to his face. I guess trying to make him appear more cat-like. The proof is in the picture.
  Dirty Deeds

For those of you pregnant, I can only apologize. What you will read WILL happen to your child at one point or another.
For those of you thinking of having a child, read at your own risk. It might just change your mind.

All of a sudden Grammy's little angel isn't so angelic. In fact, it seems almost as if he's possessed.

As I pulled into the daycare parking lot on Wednesday, I kept thinking to myself that this is the best part of my day. We already know that my job sucks, and that traffic unequivocally sucks, so to cap off the day by having my 2 year old see me come in the door and rush into my arms would definitely help to balance out my feelings of daily dismay.

Well, that's exactly what happened. I opened the door, he recognized it was me, stopped what he was doing, stated for everyone to hear that this was "his daddy", and came running to me with open arms. No sooner had I picked him up too receive my daily "I'm glad you're here" hug, did I hear from the den mother that he had had some "issues" today.

"O.K.", I thought. I can handle this. Can't be any worse than what I've already experienced today. "Really", I said. "Like what"?

Well, come to find out that earlier in the day, he had pinned another child to the ground and was caught holding a plastic knife to his throat. Damn! That's some cold-hearted shit. I immediately try to think of where he might have picked up this little move. T.V.? Can't be. We do a pretty good job of monitoring what he watches. From his parents? Can't be. We've never done anything like that in front of him. I can only assume from other kids, but since I have no scapegoat, he will have to suffer.

Then come to learn that he was disregarding instructions from the teachers all day long. No big surprise here. He's been disregarding mommy and daddy as of late as well. Not that that makes it O.K. Just a little bit more understandable.

And for a finale, as they were coming in from outside playtime, he pushed another child into a wall......head first.

What started as a feeling of "I can't wait to see my child", had quickly turned into "I can't barely stand to look at my child".

Thoughts of torture started creeping into my mind. First we can bind his hands behind his back. Then we can find a nice sized cane. Then the beatings may begin. What actually happened was a very extended time-out. Only allowed out of his room to be bathed and to eat. Pretty much sucked all the fun out of the rest of the day. You can't really get a coherent answer to the question "why did you do that?" when dealing with someone still in the process of learning the English language.

Numerous lectures from mommy and daddy didn't seem to help.

When my wife went to pick him up on Thursday, it was as if Wednesday had never occurred. Anything that was said to him was a complete mystery.

He was still disrespectful to his teachers. He was now throwing toys at other kid's heads, and to top it off, he was trying to choke-slam another child.

Oh no! Not again. I thought out of all 15 lectures from the night before, something would have stuck and this wouldn't be happening again.

Yet another afternoon/evening spent holed up in solitary. He did get spanked. And he was only allowed out for a bath and a little bit of bread and water.

Friday things have got to get better. He started the day by apologizing to his teachers and the other children that he had been attacking. He's still having a bit of a listening problem. But after conferring with his teacher, there were no beatings. At least not on his part. In a showing of just how much of a bitch karma can be, the child that was choked on Thursday decided that Friday would be a good day for payback. That's right, some little kid went vigilante on our child, not to say it wasn't deserved.

The first night simply turned my stomach. I never really understood what disappointment was. I've never really been disappointed in someone before. Now I guess I know how my parents felt at those times when I really wasn't on the "straight and narrow". And let me tell you, it sucks. Completely took away what little appetite I had. I couldn't even convince myself to drown my feelings in beer. Completely sober, I ended up going to sleep at 8:45. That's just bananas.

I think that, going forward, I'll have to look to alternate sources to calm my nerves.
Friday, October 07, 2005
  You Know You're Living On The Gulf Coast When...
You have FEMA's number on your speed dial.

You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.

Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti-Os.

You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.

You are delighted to pay only $3 for a gallon of unleaded.

The road leading to your house has been declared a "No-wake Zone"

You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.

You own more than three large coolers.

You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.

Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; Today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.

You catch a 5-pound catfish.......in your driveway.

You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowners' insurance policy.

At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.

You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.

There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.

You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at theWeather Channel.

Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.

Ice is a valid topic of conversation.

Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.

As stolen from: Wayno
  Wal-Mart Application
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one that will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.



As stolen from: ContentWhore
  "War of the Worlds" - - A review by Trey Raley
I went to this movie having some reservations, because I know that when the Hollywood think tank runs dry, they like to take movies that were really good thirty years ago and screw them up. But if I was going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, it would have to be Steven Spielberg. “Back to the Future” made a believer out of me. So me and my girlfriend went to check out the latest big budget atrocity of a classic film.

I have to say that I actually really enjoyed this version. The reason I know it was good is because typically when I go to see a movie I have to get up and go to the bathroom once or twice during the showing, but this movie caused me to wet myself so many times I didn’t miss a scene. I have to admit that in this case, Spielberg got it right. It truly had me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. But even though this movie had me sweating profusely (which is a small step up from my usual sweating immensely) I began to realize that I hate these alien movies.

First of all, you can tell that Hollywood is filled with liberal
sissies because every movie has some weak soft spoken President who wants to find out the nature of the visitors trip to Earth. The stupid Prez tries to communicate with the aliens and before he can say “What’s up?” New York City is destroyed. How come there is never a President that just says, “Let’s go ahead and nuke ‘em and we’ll sort out the details later.” It always has to be some jerk Secretary of Defense to make that recommendation and the President will say something clever like, “I‘m not going to risk thousands of lives.” So instead he allows all these fierce looking battle ships to hover over our major cities. Good thinking President Clueless. Thanks for looking out for us.

Also, why do aliens always have to be hostile? Why can’t the aliens come to Earth in a Volkswagon van covered in flowers? Armed only with a keg, a bong, and a bucket of strippers? They invaded Earth because they thought it would be the perfect habitat to throw a non-stop seventies disco party. Maybe the aliens are coming to try to score with some hot Earthling chicks the way American dudes do when they go to Europe. They go back to their boys on planet Otnock with some crazy sex story. I can see the conversation.

Alien 1: “Gleep glop gloop.” Translation: “Dude I totally hooked up with this Earth chick.”

Alien 2: “Click pop chang!” Translation: “Dude, you are the man. How was it?”

Alien1: “Ping pang poo.” Translation: “It was awesome. Apparently females from that part of the galaxy are much more in touch with their sexuality. Her name was Paris Hilton.”

Alien 2: “Beep boop bong.” Translation: “Dude even I know she is a slut and I’ve never even been to that planet.”

But the other thing that irritates me about these movies is that the aliens are always so much more technologically advanced than we are. Why can’t the aliens ever underestimate our powers? I could see them entering our atmosphere in their paper machee ships, attacking the US military armed with rolled up newspapers, shielding themselves with saran wrap. The aliens put up a valiant effort stretching the intergalactic war to twenty minutes. It might not be a great movie, but at least it won’t make me paranoid that every time there is a thunderstorm we are being exterminated by ET.

Back to the movie at hand. I recommend that you see the film. It was really fun to watch. Grab a bag of popcorn, a heart monitor, and some Depends and enjoy it.

Rating: Did not suck
  "Closer" - - A review by Trey Raley
I remember how skeptical I was when my girlfriend brought this movie to me in the video store the other day. “Closer”. I had never even heard of it.

So, I looked over the DVD to notice that it had an incredible cast: Julia Roberts, Jude Law, and Natalie Portman. Now, you know how people say go with your first instinct? I decided to ignore that and give this great cast a chance. Besides, at least I got to watch Natalie Portman for an hour and a half and the princess is hot these days. How bad can it be?

The answer cannot be described in a group of words that form a sentence. All I can say is that not only was it bad, I think it has become my arch nemesis. I have made it my sworn duty to prevent all of humanity from this movie. I go from video store to video store with my cape and tights and warn everyone to please not watch this movie. Now I know you are saying, “Come on it can’t be that bad.” And inevitably, I have discovered people who loved this movie. So I shot them in the face. I know it sounds cruel but if there are still people out there who think this movie is good, Hollywood will continue to put crap like it out there for consumption.

There was a scene in “Closer” that almost held my attention. It was a scene where Natalie Portman was a stripper and did the scene in only a thong and bra. This caused me to remove the razor from my wrist and actually pay attention for a while. However, the scene itself takes so long and seems so pointless that, despite seeing Darth Vader’s wife practically naked and saying suggestive things, I prayed for it to be over. It is one of the few times that at a movie theatre, the popcorn is actually worth more than the ticket price, even if it is stale.

So in conclusion, I realized that in the hour and a half that I watched “Closer”, thousands of people around the world died… and I wished I was one of them. Now I’m sure if you wear enough tye dye, hug enough trees, and smoke enough pot, you might find a way to contribute this as a piece of art. However, for a normal overweight, borderline alcoholic like myself, it is a piece of shit.

Rating: Sucked!!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
  Say hello to my little friend
After hearing about yesterday's daycare debacle, where my otherwise well-behaved son was found pinning another child to the ground while holding a plastic knife to his throat, I decided to purchase a little gift for him....

I think it'll be more effective than plastic, and hey, the kid's gotta start somewhere, right?
  George Carlin On New Orleans

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the
bullshit going on in
New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we
would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Lets go through a
few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that..Get the hell out.
Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said
anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault,
not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you
can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you
didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some.
(Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your
neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their
stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory
evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain
no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who
didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings
are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want
them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave!

(It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a
sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to
rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on
quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some
good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want
you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to
eradicate the black people of
New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to
America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused
the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the
land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you
want. McDonalds and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop
spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President
Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what
you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
  Kids say the darndest things
My neighbor's 4-year old boy was over for a little bit as his mother and my wife chit-chatted about daily goings-on.

His mother: "Why don't you go in the playroom and find a toy"?

4-year old: "But the darkness is turned off"

This was in reference to the fact that the light in the playroom was not turned on.

It's hard work trying not to laugh.
  30-second bunnies
From Angry Alien Productions comes The 30-Second Bunnies Theatre Library

With such favorite movies as:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Pulp Fiction
The Big Chill
The War of the Worlds (1953)

all re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds.

Can't wait until the bunny version of Reservoir Dogs is available!
  $5.00 of Gas
I went into the 7-11 gas station the other day
and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

as submitted by KH
  Word of the Day - - 10/05/05

1 : of, relating to, or resembling a tree
2 : inhabiting or frequenting trees

I honestly have no idea when, in normal conversation, you might use this word. My eyes are starting to cross just trying to work it into a sentence. So I'm not going to.. But I dare you to use it in a sentence. Go ahead, make my day.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
  Nicolas Cage's Super Baby
Nicolas Cage's latest role: proud papa.

The Oscar-winning actor and his wife, Alice Kim Cage, welcomed son Kal-el Coppola Cage into the world Monday morning, Cage's publicist, Annett Wolf, confirmed.

Cage's new superboy was born in New York City. None of his vital statistics were released...or word on any potential superpowers: The tyke's unusual moniker, Kal-el, is also the birth name of Superman.

Now how freakin' retarded is this? And I thought it was bad with previous baby names like Coco and Apple, but naming your baby after a fictional alien? This kid is already doomed.

"Normal" people don't do this. This is a strictly "hollywood" thing. And it needs to stop.
  Word of the Day - - 10/03/05
1 : to make a harsh cry
2 : to quarrel noisily

Every conference call, every meeting, every chance encounter with a particular co-worker has, of late, reminded me of this word. I just think of cats you might hear in the distance, mixing it up in a bit of a scrap. Makes my eyeballs hurt.

Monday, October 03, 2005
  The "smart" beer mat
Beer mat knows when it is refill time
A coaster that can sense when a glass is nearly empty, sending an alert to a central computer behind the bar so waiters know there are thirsty customers.

I saw this a few days ago, and in
theory it's a great idea. However, think about the
last time you were out drinking. How often did you
leave your beer on a coaster? When was the
last time you ordered beer that was on tap?

As long as you constantly put your beer back on the
coaster, this would work wonders. As long as the bar
staff had been properly trained. Otherwise, they
could just ingore your beer mat as easily as they
previously ignored you!

But still a really cool idea. Now if the people who
come up with stuff like this could use their powers
for good and come up with a cure for cancer!

As submitted by JEH
A Division of Mellanman Productions

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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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