Random & Incoherent
are you an idiot?
I am 23% Idiot.
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.
after a long week of daycare and the harrowing challenges of a 2 year old, it's Friday, time to kick back a relax a bit
...an extreme variance of pink eye
it's in both eyes
the picture does not do it justice, she could barely open her eyes, and when she did, they looked as if they were ready to pop out of her head
Einstein has a joke for ya
are you white trash?
I am 32% White Trash.
The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.
Oh, you hate your job?
Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that:
It's called EVERYBODY,
and they meet at the bar.
----as submitted by JEH
Just out of curiousity....
anybody else's eyes bloodshot this morning?
or is it just me?
Make no mistake, the man you see is the man you wouldn't think you'd ever see on a surf board.
This was on a relatively recent trip to Hawaii, while he was feeling a bit adventurous.
I'm still waiting to see the photos of the shark that was chasing him to the shoreline.
The following is just to give you a visual reference to what a motion sensor light switch looks like.
Brilliant idea, I now no longer have to take the time and effort to lift my extended index finger towards the wall and waste valuable energy turning the light on.
The best part about this little device is the fact that my parents have installed it in their new house. Not in a room where you would have to cross over the length of the room to get to the wall switch, noooooooooo, that would make sense.
Instead, in his infinite wisdom, my father installed this marvel of technology in his master bedroom's closet. The room (if you can even call a closet a room) has only one entrance, and the light switch, while tedious for most, is not at the back of the closet, but right inside the door. You would pass it as you were heading towards the shelf where you store your loafers.
Apparently, we all reach a certain age where flipping a switch for the convenience of artificial light is just too much to bear.
I'd be willing to bet that if Home Depot had a voice activated unit for sale, that would have been installed as well. It won't be long before you can go to my parent's home, walk in through any door and simply say the words "lights on" and you will be bathed in halogen.
As for me, I'm still working on the voice activated beer dispenser. Don't get me wrong, I have one right now, and it's not even new technology. The terminology is simply "wife". But she's not too fond of it.
From Merriam Webster online:
Main Entry: proÂ·crasÂ·tiÂ·nate
Pronunciation: pr&-'kras-t&-"nAt, prO-
Inflected Form(s): -natÂ·ed
Etymology: Latin procrastinatus,
past participle of procrastinare,
forward + crastinus
of tomorrow, from cras
tomorrow transitive senses :
to put off intentionally and habituallyintransitive senses :
to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be donesynonym
I point out this definition due to the fact that I happen to be a world class procrastinator. As an example: I should be filling out paperwork to request new cpr codes for uncoded equipment that would then be emailed out to the proper contact person to actually create the cpr codes, instead, I've been uploading funny little pictures and typing this out.
But we're not here to talk about today. Let's talk about something more monetarily relevant, like a possible new career. I believe that I had completed all of the course work related to real estate appraisal back in February. Why is it that I didn't get registered with the state until the end of June? Was it because I had something better to do that kept me occupied until that point? Was it a problem with the mandatory criminal background check? Did I get "kidnapped" by some "mexicans" like the Runaway Bride? Nope. Just lazy. Just kept putting it off (see DELAY
) no real reason, just never had a fire lit under my arse. But once under the gun, I can get quite a lot accomplished; I would use this space to support that claim with anecdotes and the like, but I don't feel like it and besides, I don't need your approval.
A lot has slowed down for me at "work", and with diminishing responsibility comes a great lack of desire to do even the bare minimum. Hell, it's almost more work to make it look like you're working when you have nothing to work on than it is to actually do the work in the first place.
Oh well, I suppose I'll get back to the requests for cpr codes.......after this next cigarette break anyway.
8 easy steps to becoming "that guy"
1) Start drinking by 8:00 A.M.
2) Find a tall blonde to call you a Dumbass all day
3) Fuck with the biggest guy you can find so he will
4) Smoke like it is your job
5) Make sure your eyes are Blood Shot Red by noon
6) Break something
7) Clog anytime Rocky Top Tennessee is played
8) Pass out before dinner, especially if it is your
Slow down, or stop?
A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because
he is sure that he has a better education. He decides
to prove this to himself and have some fun at the
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign".
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop.
License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a
complete stop, that's the law. License and
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference
between slow down and stop or convince me of the
difference, I'll give you my license and registration
and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and
starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer,
"NOW DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"
Some people are like Slinkies
They're really good for nothing.
But, they still bring a smile to your face when you
push them down a flight of stairs.
The motion of the ocean
is directly proportional to
the angle of the dangle
what not to do....
....as a verified beer drinker:
knock back somewhere between 8 and 9 gin-n-tonics.
This will not balance out to your predetermined tolerance level and you will have a miserable time visiting multiple porcelain gods throughout the day.
"I just had 3 pretzels and am concentrating on keeping those down"