Random & Incoherent
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
  New Search Engine
I decided to try out a new search engine, so I Gizoogled "Random & Incoherent" And I have posted the results below. It's off tha heazzie fo' sheazzie, yo!
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
  Learnin' too much from daddy
Within 20 minutes of settling into my cubicle at work, my phone rings. It is a place of business, so this is not a big surprise. Low and behold, it's my wife. Again, not a big surprise. I like to hear that they're both up and moving and getting ready to start the day. Only this time, it wasn't that kind of call.

This time it was to inform me that junior had gone through my bedside table drawer. Inside the bedside table drawer was a book of state quarters. We can go ahead and assume that the book, at this point, was empty. The quarters were scattered all over, and buddy boy was pointing to his throat and whimpering in pain.

Kepp in mind that this is going on during wifey's shower. So, out she jumps, soaking wet and conditioner still in her hair, running down her face.

But, at this point, there is no solid evidence to state that he actually swallowed a quarter. It's entirely possible that he smacked his throat on the table and that was what wqas bothering him. With the exception of no red mark, scrape, cut or other identifiable "boo-boo".

So it's off to daycare with him, letting the administrator know how the morning went. The woman that runs the daycare stated that all kids, at one time or another, swallow a coin of some type. But she was impressed that monkey boy was able to down a quarter. Grand. Just who I was in the market to impress. Hey! Maybe he'll join the circus and swallow swords for a living!

Connor does fine all day at school until it's time to go to urgent care to have an x-ray at our doctor's request. Any of this starting to sound familiar? So after waiting a little over an hour, they take him and mommy back to the x-ray room. It takes 2 nurses and mommy to hold connor down so that they can proceed with taking the x-ray.

Come to find out, thankfully, that there is no rogue quarter roaming around Connor's system. According to the doctor, apparently he lodged the quarter in his throat and was able to cough it up, thus accounting for the pain in his throat.

At least he started with only a 25 cents, unlike his father, who started with $2500 worth of gold down the gullet.
  Damn Straight
What Pulp Fiction Character Are You?

Tired of being underappreciated and manipulated by powerful "others," you fight back. Though possesssing a cold, violent outside, you have a soft, scentimental inside. You love your partner, you cherish family heirlooms, and you want nothing more than to be geniunely happy -- but you don't mind having to kill a couple of nimrods who happen to clutter your path.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

  Charleston: Sunday Morning
There are advantages and disadvantages to building a city below sea level.
Well, I'm not really sure what the advantages are, or even if there really are any. But I can definitely explain what I saw to be the biggest disadvantage: flooding! Luckily the weather had held out for us for the majority of the weekend and was sunny and warm. But then late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, the sky opened up and the thunderstorms hit and cats and dogs were falling from the sky.

The hotel we were staying in was obviously located in a flood plain, as the parking lot had been transformed into a wading pool. Just to get to their cars, patrons were having to roll up the legs of their pants, take their shoes off, and hope not to step on random beer can.

Fortuitously, I had parked in an area of the lot that was not subject to flooding. I've already had experience with that scenario in the past, and was thankful that I was not going to have to deal with it again. But I did get a bit waterlogged just getting to the car and loading all of the luggage.

And all of the side streets that we had to travel were awash with rain water. We've all seen the videos of the car that tries to make it through what seems to be a puddle, only to be sucked under into the unknown underlying sinkhole. Once again, as my foot pressed down onto the accelerator, I was convinced that this would be the way my vacation ended. But apparently, luck was on my side as we finally made it to the interstate and slowly creeped above sea level and flood threats.
  Charleston: Saturday Morning
As we were getting ready to leave the hotel for a day of fun and adventure, I walked past the bathroom as my wife was blow drying her hair, and happened to notice a large grey t-shirt-like mass in the toilet. Obviously, this would cause someone to stop and ask, what is that?

"Oh, that's my t-shirt" is the reply that I get as the blow dryer continues to smell of burnt hair. OK, so why is your t-shirt in the toilet? "Because you told me to pick it up off of the floor." So, I requested that you pick your shirt up off the floor, and you decide to throw it into the toilet? I wasn't quite sure where this conversation was going, and was a bit concerned that it might negatively affect the remainder of our day.

Many of you that know Kristi, knows that she doesn't travel without at least one scented candle.
This trip was no different.
This candle happened to be on the bathroom counter.
Which is where she moved her t-shirt when she picked it up off the floor.

Does anybody see where this is going?

Needless to say over the noise and smells associated with blow drying one's hair, the inevitable flame-fest that occurs when you place a cotton t-shirt on top of a burning candle went unnoticed. But when it was noticed: as if she were channeling a NY firefighter, she simply pushed the flaming former advertisement for her college into the cool, crisp water that occupies the toilet.
I just glad she didn't flush it, that would have been a real mess!

And since the blaze had been contained and her hair was now dry, it was time to catch a cab downtown to enjoy the historic district of Charleston.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
  Charleston: Saturday Night
If you remember this picture

then this story is going to be slightly more funny.

After dinner at 82 Queen Street, we decided to have a drink at the bar. We're sitting there chatting along with almost the whole staff. The bartender, the General Manager, a waitress on her night off, a sommelier for another restaurant, etc., etc. One of the buddies of this crew shows up and Kristi finds a striking resemblance. He's wearing the same shirt , although in an adult size, that junior is wearing in the above photo.

Now being the bastion of preparedness that my wife is, she whips out the above photo and compares it. So what do I do? Naturally, I take a pic of this guy in his shirt holding a picture of Connor in the same shirt.

This is Herschel. He dresses like a 2 year old boy.
  Charleston: Saturday: buggy time
Kristi and I decided that a horse drawn carriage tour Historic Downtown Charleston would be a nice way to spend the afternoon. This was the horse that led us through the town.

And just to prove I'm not making any of this up, here's one of Kristi as we bought our tickets.
  Charleston: Saturday
We were sitting in T-Bonz for lunch and saw this guy dressed up in what I can only describe as "colonial wear". This guy was probably on his lunch break and was about to be on his way. So I decided it would be a good idea to snap a picture. No sooner had the camera "clicked", then he misplaced his footing and busted his ass. He wasn't hurt, which allows it to be comical. Unfortunately, he was quicker at getting up and out the door than I was with the camera!
  Return of the Octabong!
Just got a pretty cool response regarding the Octabong. The link provided shows this technological marvel in use during Saint Patrick's Day celebrations.
Octabong for St. Patty's day
Thursday, March 24, 2005
  Stop, Halt, Cease & Desist, Slow Down
A good mechanic is difficult to locate.

I decided that it was time to consider having some brake work done on my vehicle. It’s one thing to be able to hear the distinct sound of metal on metal grinding due to having worn out the brake pads. It’s an entirely different situation when you can feel the metal digging into the rotor with just the slightest application of your foot to the brake pedal.

So, due to the fact that convenience plays a big part in my life, and the fact that there is a Pep Boys auto shop within walking distance of my place of business, it only makes sense that they would be my mechanics of choice.

Anyway, I come grinding to a halt in the Pep Boys parking lot at 7:30 in the A.M. and drop my keys with the guy behind the “service” desk so that they can inspect the brakes.
Around 3:00 P.M. I receive a phone call telling me that the rotors, pads, and calipers for the braking system of the two front wheels all need to be replaced, and that (including labor) this would run approximately $1200.00.

Insert numbness and chest pain here.

I knew I was going to be making a withdrawal from the bank to cover this little adventure, but I was unaware that I was going to be asked to bend over.

So, forsaking convenience, I called another auto shop and told them what I was told regarding what would need to be replaced. Good news! This new shop told me that they would be able to do the work for about $600.00, and more than likely, would not need to replace the calipers (which would be the most expensive piece of the brakes to replace).

So now I’m feeling pretty lucky. Hell, I just saved myself $600.00! The only problem now is that I won’t have a vehicle to be able to complete my daily commute to work. Realizing that one of my co-workers happens to live in the same county that I do, I decide to take a stroll up to the ninth floor.

I ask my fellow cube jockey if he can pick me up at the auto shop at 7:30. He says that it won’t be a problem, and then inquires as to why my vehicle needs to go in for repairs. When I go through the whole ordeal with him, including what the 2 shops had told me regarding price, he laughs. Now, laughter may be the best medicine, but it certainly isn’t helping out in this situation.

He starts making phone calls to auto parts stores, and while he is on hold he informs me that he used to work for Ford, specifically in the brake department. What luck, I think. I happen to own a Ford that requires brake service. So once the parts have been confirmed, we arrange to meet at his house. All I have to do now is go to the auto parts store to procure the proper materials, and to the local bottle shop to ensure that payment in the form of beer (cheapest labor cost ever!) is in hand.

I went to AutoZone for the parts necessary to complete the task at hand. I pick up the two rotors, and set of brake pads. My unknown mechanic friend stated that unless the car had been dropped of a cliff or unless I had been beating the calipers with a hammer repeatedly for the last month, I would not need to replace them. After my trip to conduct commerce, I head in the direction of my newfound local “garage”.

Once the car is jacked up and my mechanic can get a look at the problem area, it is stated that we will only need to replace one of the rotors. Savings right there before any work is done at all! So the brake pads are replaced on the rotor that does not need to be replaced. Lower the car and move on to the other side. Car’s lifted up once more and deconstruction of the brake system begins. When it comes time to replace the rotor, we come to the conclusion that my friendly neighborhood AutoZone has supplied me with the incorrect part.

Now, it’s too late in the evening to go back to the store and get this situation rectified. I can’t believe that this is happening! After the process of telling the grease monkey behind the counter at the store the make, model, year, color, 2WD vs. 4WD, specifics of my vehicle, the computer still tells him the wrong part. So off I go, limping with one brake repaired and the other still a shell of it’s former self.

Next day, back to AutoZone. Different grease monkey. Same exchange of information. However, this must have been the king grease monkey, because he realizes that the computer is wrong! He gets me the correct part and tries to send me on my way. But I want to return the 2 rotors that are incorrect. Well, little known fact about writing checks at AutoZone. You have to wait 7 days before you can return merchandise purchased with a check. So off I go with the one rotor that I require, and the 2 that I don’t.

Back to my local “garage”. Car’s jacked up and job is completed in less than half an hour. My “mechanic” tests out the brakes. Everything is peachy keen. Plus, total dollars spent (including beer money) is $135.00. Talk about the potential to have gotten raped by the auto industry!

So I take the 2 rotors that I no longer have use for back to AutoZone, but still can’t return them! It’s been 7 days; I have the printout from the bank showing that the check cleared and that AutoZone got their money. However, as it was explained to me, AutoZone’s policy is 7 BUSINESS days, and considering this escapade occurred over the course of a weekend, 7 business days really equated to 10 days. But I got my 200 dollars back for the unused rotors, and have learned not to go to Pep Boys for my automotive needs.
  The root of all evil
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
  Celebrate the right way
I've searched high and low, long and hard, and I've finally found the perfect birthday cake.

  Yeah, he's talking about traffic again
The laws of physics seem not to apply while traveling the interstate systems in Atlanta. For the past couple of days, it has been rainy and overcast. This should necessitate slower traffic due to road conditions and the greater possibility of fender-benders. However, it really wasn't that bad of a commute back and forth to work. This morning, when the clouds have broken and the sun is shining down, drying off the roads, it takes double the amount of time to make it from point A to point B. There were no wrecks, no fender-benders, no car fires, no stalls, no nothing.

It just makes no sense whatsoever.

But at least now I know why I had to replace the brakes in my vehicle. When all you do is keep you foot on the brake pedal for 2 hours, you're bound to wear down the brake pad.

I'm so glad that the vehicle I drive is an automatic. On a day like today, driving my old car (stick shift), I would have developed "clutch knee". It's kind of like "tennis elbow" but affecting a different part of the body and not caused from playing tennis.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
  Born to be wild

Somehow, the image of the old Belushi skit from Saturday Night Live comes to mind.
  Concentration Test
Strictly for men, but how am I gonna know and/or stop you?
Concentration Test clicky pop link
  Primate Penquin Joke
The joke's funny enough on it's own, but when you see chimps telling the joke, it just adds a little something....Penquin Joke clicky pop link
  Matches my bad attitude

You are...drumroll please...Logan aka Wolverine!
Born with a Napoleon complex, this dude gets
things done his own way, often dismissing Prof.
X's wishes. Driven and at one with nature,
with no memory of his orgins, and partically
indestructable, Wolverine is defiantly the most
intriguing of the X-men, as I'm sure you are
with your friends.

What Marvel Comics Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
  On to the next step
Class has been completed. All the coursework has been turned in. The final examinations have been passed.

Now just need to have the proper paperwork processed and I'll be a registered real estate appraiser in the state of Georgia.

Your mom wants to know how much her house is worth!
Friday, March 18, 2005
  Well, it's official......almost
I have completed the course, course work, and exams to become registered in the state of Georgia as a Real Estate appraiser. Just have to have my criminal background checked, and all the necessary paperwork filed with the state. Then it'll be official. Good thing I burned off my fingerprints oh so many years ago.
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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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