Random & Incoherent
Thursday, June 30, 2005
  that's right.................state registered
Thursday, June 23, 2005
  Spider-Man vs. Spiderman
One's a super hero, one's a jewish lawyer (think Goldman vs. Gold-Man). It still doesn't explain why I was in an office where the receptionist was sitting on the wall with amazing spider like ability, dressed in the traditional Spider-Man costume with the exception of the business suit she was wearing over it.

I'm not sure what kind of legal counsel I was there for, but I wasn't alone. Apparently the practice of Spiderman & Associates was hopping with potential clientele.

Next thing I know the fire alarm is going off and everyone is being ushered out of the office building.

That's when my wife kicked me. I guess I wasn't reacting too well to the alarm going off and was not stirring. Even worse is the fact that both off my arms had fallen asleep and were not in working order. Then, to add insult to injury, it was time for the pins and needles as I was getting into the shower.

What a way to start the day.
  Play that funky music white boy
Click the link......ya know ya want to......
Shake that rump
opens in a new window
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
  Mother Nature
Spent the better part of yesterday evening uncoiling, moving and setting the water sprinkler so that i could water the lawn in the back and side yards of my illustrious property only for a thunderstorm to roll into my neighborhood. Hate to see my water bill considering I could've just waited and let mother nature take it's course.

Of course all of the rain we've had last night and all of today means only one thing....I'm gonna hafta mow the damn grass yet again.
Monday, June 20, 2005
  designed for the red light district.......
Friday, June 10, 2005
  When the dark side goes grocery shopping..............
  What to do after someone sneezes
Thursday, June 09, 2005
  The supportive wife
OK everyone. At 2:00 o'clock today my husband "The Kev" is going to the dentist for his new crown. Please send positive thoughts that he can get through the procedure with out...
1. dry heaving
2. throwing up
3. crying
4. being belligerent
5. swallowing another $2500 crown.
(this time we may actually have to pay for it)

Also, I have an appointment at 1:30 for a cleaning. I wanted to close for support or just to watch this. It should be entertaining. I have actually thought of video taping it. You will have an update this afternoon.

Happy Tuesday!
  My living will
I, MELLANMAN, being of sound mind and
body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no
circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians
who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a
cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these
boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health,

education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't
care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run
for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone
else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these
people,and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my
behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her
existence a living hell.
  A "business" trip
I wanted to let you know that I went to the Caico's Islands on Friday and came back on Saturday. Had a liason who took me all over the place. Anyway, we went out Friday night late and met up with a bunch of locals at a bar. We drank our asses of. The kicker is, so did the bartender. Later in the evening I look over and the bartender/owner is in the corner passed out. Apparently this is not uncommon for him on Friday nights. We ended up making our own drinks and leaving money on the bar. At the end of the night we left, leaving the doors unlocked and a boat load of cash just sitting on the bar. Yes the bartender was still passed out in the corner. Funniest shit I have ever seen. Definitely our kind of place.

  Those rich bastards!.......I'm crying on the inside
The Wiggles Named Australia's Wealthiest

The Wiggles Are Australia's Wealthiest Entertainers,
Beating Out Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe

SYDNEY, Australia Apr 8, 2005 - The Wiggles have sung
and danced their way to the top of a list of
Australia's wealthiest entertainers, edging out
Hollywood heavyweights such as Nicole Kidman and
Russell Crowe.

The four Australian performers topped BRW Magazine's
list of Australia's 50 richest performers in 2004 with
an estimated gross income of $34.5 million, up from
$10.7 million in the previous year.

Kidman almost doubled her earnings and was Australia's
second richest performer with $30 million, according
to the magazine, which hit newsstands Thursday. She
was followed by Crowe, who earned an estimated $20
million in 2004.
Top Stories

BRW managing editor Tony Featherstone said in an
editorial that The Wiggles had topped the chart, which
is based on the magazine's estimates of their 2004
gross income, thanks to a great product and marketing.

"They got into the market early, they took time to
understand their audience, not only children but the
parents who pay for everything," he said.

AC/DC were in fourth place, with an estimated income
of $14 million.
  The Truth.......as submitted by Mrs. Kari Hallman......
Will I live to be 80?

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't", I said
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things!"

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?"
  Reminds me of certain people
  A sound theory....
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
  Smoke 'em if ya got 'em
  Bath towels
I'd like to get some response on this topic, not necessarily a survey, but feel free to share your thoughts on the matter: Bath towels and the frequency with which they are laundered.

To illustrate how boring my lunch hour actually is, I will give you a brief synopsis of the conversation I had yesterday.

A co-worker had stated that his wife was going out of town on business for about 7 weeks and had packed a number of bath towels for her trip. Leaving him with only seven bath towels at the house.

Immediately, I think to myself that he won't have to launder any towels until his wife returns from her trip.

He then states that had she not left him with at least 7 towels, he wouldn't be able to make it through the week without having to do laundry. At this point I stared at him somewhat quizzically.

They will launder a towel after only one use! One use and then it's off to the hamper! The towel barely got a chance to do what it is designed to do and here you are sending it to early retirement. Have you no feelings, no compassion? Who will think of the towels?

I am more of the mindset of using a towel for about a week or so and then doing the laundry. Give the towels a chance to live up to their expectations, live out their dreams. Besides, the unions are a bitch to work with!

My question to you, dear reader, is: what makes more sense: one use, on wash; or multiple use, one wash?

Or am I spinning my wheels here, much like the debate I had regarding which way the roll of toilet paper needs to hang, over or under?

I told you my lunch hour was boring.
Can somebody please explain to me what it was I was doing in a parking garage in India? More importantly, why was there a rambunctious (possibly rabid) monkey chasing me? I think he only wanted to play a nice game of fetch.
A Division of Mellanman Productions

My Photo
Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

    Powered by FeedBlitz

October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / June 2006 / July 2006 / August 2006 / September 2006 / October 2006 / November 2006 / December 2006 / January 2007 / February 2007 / March 2007 / April 2007 / May 2007 / June 2007 / July 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / October 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / April 2008 / May 2008 / June 2008 / July 2008 / August 2008 / September 2008 / October 2008 / January 2009 / March 2009 / April 2009 / September 2009 / October 2009 / December 2009 / January 2010 / April 2010 / May 2010 / June 2010 / August 2010 / October 2010 / November 2010 / December 2010 / January 2011 / February 2011 / March 2011 / May 2011 /

Powered by Blogger


Fair Use Notice: This site includes excerpts from and links to copyrighted media which have not been pre-authorized by their respective owners. U.S. copyright law allows for the "Fair Use" of copyrighted materials for the purposes of criticism, parody, and education. As specified in U.S. Code Title 17, Section 107, the material on this site is not distributed for profit.