How to save the Airlines:
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this?
Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Down With Raccoons
If you've listened to the show LoveLine
, then you may be familiar with the pain and suffering a raccoon can cause. Especially to those that may encounter the little critters in crawlspaces or other tight, non-maneurverable areas. These creatures apparently like to fight dirty, clawing and biting at the most vulnerable parts of a man. And for that, we say "Down With Raccoons".
And now you can show your support by purchasing a very fashionable t-shirt.
Just go to the newly opened Mellanman Productions Store