Random & Incoherent
Off, Off, Off Broadway
Karaoke....Raj & Jerry style
weird ass dreams
I find myself in a jail cell, kind of like a drunk tank, but nobody's drunk. And there are children.
Apparently, I was at a hockey game with a group of fathers and sons (mine included) and we all got arrested for disorderly conduct (I know that it sounds like a stretch).
First, I've never been to a hockey game
Second, I WOULD have been drinking
Third, I don't think I would have taken a 2 year old to a hockey game
Anyway, it's only about 5:36 in the afternoon as all of the children are napping in the jail cell and my pager goes off. One of the other fathers asks if I had had a chance to call the wife yet to let her know we would need to bailed out. As I turn to answer the question....
Ted Nugent's house. The Nuge is in the middle of beckoning the dark spirits into his domicile as I am apparently covering the incident with a camera crew for some reality TV show (anybody else remember "Surviving The Nuge"?).
Ya think this has anything to do with the meatball sub I had for dinner? Or were the mushrooms that were cooked in the sauce hallucinogenic?
Either way, it was a damn weird way to wake up this morning, thinking I had been locked up with my 2 year old son and then been filming a reality TV show with Ted Nugent as he was working his voodoo inside his house.
Another year with the Ole Ball n' Chain
To my parents, whom I've lost count of how many years they have actually been married. But here's to many many more years to keep me guessing and trying to figure it out.
As a child you always want to be like your father, with the hopes of becoming better than him at a certain thing. Well, general home improvements, automotive maintenance, databases, diet, resolve, thoughtfulness, patience, billiards, card games (poker or other): none of these attributes have I been able to come close to. But there is one thing that I have been able to turn around.
Call it luck, call it skill, call it a really cold garage and home field advantage with a new board, but I was CLEANING UP!
I lost count of how many games I won. And here's to hoping that he wasn't just letting me win. It's not that my fragile ego couldn't handle the truth if that were the case, I just liked winning. A lot.
And I think I handled the victories in a "good sportsmanship" kind of way.
If not, neener! neener! neener!
I won! I won! I won!
(with the exception of that one left handed game)
730 days old
Just turned 2 and hasn't driven his parents completely insane........yet
A Dancing Jerry is better than ......
a goosestepping jerry
Pain -- an update
If, being the loyal readers that you are, you'll remember the last rant regarding pain, I won't have to go into too much detail. Bottom line is, heavy furniture, truck, and friend with bad juju.
Helped move a big screen (46" projection) television Monday night. Helping me was the friend that seems to have an aura around him that brings about physical damage to my physical being.
And it's not what you're thinking. No broken toes, bloody lips, missing teeth, smashed fingers, etc., etc.
Having removed the TV from house #1, loaded it into a truck, drove said truck across town, unloaded from truck, and delivered inside house #2, the only assault that was damaging was to my nasal passages.
There were dogs in the back yard. Big dogs. Well fed dogs. Well fed big dogs in the back yard tend to leave big bags of fertilizer laying around.
I put the truck in "park" and opened the door to get out (keeping in mind that this was at night, with very little light) took one step and felt what did not seem like solid ground, kind of sliding a bit.
One boot, about inch deep in the fragrantly foul feces.
Needless to say, I drove home after the delivery wearing only one boot. The other, out of nose reach, was in the back of the truck, allowing everyone that I passed to wonder "something die"?
But hey, nobody got hurt (especially me)! So I guess, no harm, no foul. Except that it was really foul..smelling.
When you really need a tall cold one.....
My bologna has a first name...
It' O S C A R
As I headed out of corporate boredom for a breath of Atlanta air, to my amazement, what did I see?
I just saw, up close and in living color, the weinermobile. As it traversed it's way through traffic on Piedmont.
Question: was it made in America?
The real question is:. Is it kosher?
Stupid security measures
Being a minion of Corporate America, I am forced to be identified. Unlike other types of employment, I am not forced to wear a name tag, a uniform, or even a silly hat. I have an electronic ID badge with my pretty little picture on the front. This ID determines which elevators I may use, along with which floor of which particular building I may venture upon. It unlocks the main doors of my building for me. Isn't technology great?
All of this "security clearance" information about me stored nicely on a little magnetic strip.
So why do the minimum wage earning security guards at the building feel the need to check my ID every time I pass through the little card reader post?
The same set of guards sees me pass through, on average, 12 times a day. And 12 times a day, they want to check my ID. Everything is electronic. The ID card must be read. I must be "beeped" in. Then you feel the need to check the badge? Redundancy is one thing when dealing with failover systems, but this is ridiculous.
Either get rid of the card readers, or get rid of the guards. They ain't guarding shit anyway. No guns, no sticks, hell, not even mace. If I was a potential hazard to myself or others, what are they gonna do? Smack me with the magazine they're reading? Threaten me with a louder ring tone from their cell phone?
I feel so much safer in the building knowing that the crack security force we have hired is on diligent watch.
UPDATE!! Bigfoot revalations
Can you tell the difference?
A little less conversation….
Conversation for the sake of conversation is a waste of breath and very annoying. We live in a society that is much too polite not to allow for “conversation”. But is anybody really listening? Does anybody actually wait for the answer to the question, "How are you"? Throughout the course of every single workday I run into situations where “conversation” is forced upon me. Can’t we just go about our corporate duties without the need to express pleasantries?
Almost every time that I step onto an elevator, no matter what the reason for my trip, I hear the obligatory “how’s it going”? How’s what going? And further more, do you really care or are you just afraid of “uncomfortable silence”? This is especially annoying with what will be referred to as “work associates”. The people you deal with on a regular basis, but have no vested interest in. If one day, they just stopped coming to work, it would not affect you from a personal perspective, other than possibly doubling your workload.
This need to speak to others goes far beyond annoyance when it comes from someone in the building in which you work that you have absolutely no point of reference for, but they feel the need to ask you what could be considered personal questions. I don’t typically conversate with strangers out on the boulevard, why should my thought process change just because we’re riding the same elevator? Is an extra 45 seconds of chit chat really that important to you? Will you not be able to survive in a bubble of silence for the 2-story trip up the elevator?
And as that unknown person you just explained your morning to is exiting said elevator, they’re parting words are almost always “have a good one”. A good what? A good ride in the elevator? A good trip to the restroom to heed the call of Mother Nature?
Walk in silence and speak only when necessary, not when societal pressures make you feel the overwhelming need to open up your pie hole and spew forth meaningless ramblings about the sun shining or how cold it is. We were all outside at one time today, we know that it’s freakin’ cold. Don’t need to be reminded about this fact by someone that feels the need to share every thought with every stranger just because they are all enclosed in the same box being lifted up two stories of a corporate work environment.
Part of Speech:
acerb, acerbic, acid, acrimonious, arrogant
, austere, backhanded
, brusque, captious, carping, caustic, chaffing, contemptuous
, contumelious, corrosive, crack, cussed, cutting
, cynical, derisive
, disillusioned, disparaging, disrespectful, evil
, hostile, irascible, ironical, mean, mocking
, mordant, needle, offensive, ornery
, salty, sardonic, satirical
, saucy, scorching, scornful, scurrilous, severe
, sharp, smart alecky
, snarling, sneering
, trenchant, twitting, weisenheimer
Source: Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.1.1)Copyright © 2004 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved
One thing I have learned about myself in the course of a year
(give or take a couple of months)
Pain is not my friend.
But hanging around a certain friend seems to bring PAIN. I’m not saying it’s his fault, but he always seems to be around when something bad happens to me. Let’s run down the list of incidences:
1) Face plant (chin first) into a wooden dance floor
2) softball bat (at the tail end of a full swing) to the left kneecap
3) minor motorcycle accident involving a very large Harley-Davidson landing on the same knee that was injured playing softball
4) refrigerator door hinge bitch slapping me in the face, cutting through my lip and almost knocking out a tooth
Again, not saying that any of this is a direct result of said friend’s presence, but apparently there is some bad juju being carried around and indirectly affecting me.
But back to the pain. I have no problem with the lingering effects of pain. It’s the immediate “what the hell was that!” aspect that almost always shuts me down. In each and every instance reported above, I have gotten to the point of almost passing out. Seeing the bright white flash and feeling my eyes roll into the back of my skull, if only for a brief moment. The knee-buckling, stomach churning, nausea inducing first assault of pain.
Each and every one of these instances has left me physically scarred, if not emotionally damaged. But hey, chicks dig scars, and the mental anguish can always be disguised as a “brooding sensitive” character trait.
I guess that I’ve learned that there are certain professions that I will never be able to fit into due to my lack of an iron constitution. Never gonna be a professional wrestler or boxer. I’ve learned that I don’t like to get hit. Never gonna be a motor sport racer. I’ve learned that I don’t like to have pieces of automotive machinery grafted to my body. Not gonna be a bouncer at a club. The potential of getting hit, even inadvertently, is raised exponentially. And I’m sure I could continue the list, but I would get a cramp in my wrist from all the typing and would start bitching about carpal tunnel syndrome.
So I think I’m just gonna keep my accident prone body behind a desk for a while and see if the mojo wears off. I think the worst that can happen that way would be a really bad paper cut.
\Caus"tic\, Caustical \Caus"tic*al\, a. [L. caustucs, Ge. ?, fr. ? to burn. Cf. Calm, Ink.] 1. Capable of destroying the texture of anything or eating away its substance by chemical action; burning; corrosive; searing.
2. Severe; satirical; sharp; as, a caustic remark.
Born to be wild
New show for the Food Network
Cooking with babies
Today was a good day
Dinner and a movie
Traffic reports (why I hate this town cont'd)
Atlanta is infamous for it's traffic. The ubiquitous ladder on the interstate that causes an hour back-up. The multitudes of tractor trailers that overturn shutting down interstates for half the day, only because the schmuck that was driving didn't realize that they really DO have to slow down to take the exit ramp that has a lit, flashing warning sign stating "25 MPH". S.A.M's that want to put an end to their miserable little lives and decide to try and jump off a bridge or overpass onto the interstate, and accomplishing what? You guessed it, shutting down the interstate. But do they accomplish their original intent? Of course not. It's only an attention thing.
Like most everybody else in the Metro Atlanta area, I commute to work. Typical drive time from home to office is around 40 minutes, as long as you leave the house prior to 6:15 in the morning. Anytime after that and you can expect to be on the highways and byways for over an hour. Just to get to a crappy job you don't want to be wasting 8 hours at anyway.
So while you're practicing your parking skills across an eight lane highway, what is there to do? Well, most cars nowadays have what is called a "radio". These nifty little inventions allow you to receive "broadcasts". Music, news, sports, weather and , TRAFFIC!
The problem with the traffic reports is they are almost always too little, too late. Typically, by the time I have reached my destination is the time that I am hearing about the root cause of the standstill that I just crawled my way through. All too often the traffic report never actually mentions the road that you are traveling on.
Where's the report that simply states "traffic is screwed, don't even leave your home"?
Thanks Captain Traffic.
Thanks for nothing.
Facts About the Death Penalty
I am all for the continued use of the death penalty within the criminal justice system. I just don't approve of the way it is currently being utilized. I found some great information at the Death Penalty Information Center
and choose to share some of that with you adding a few comments.
As of: November 12, 2004
STATES WITH THE DEATH PENALTY (38^)
Alabama, Florida, Louisiana, New Hampshire*, Oregon, Virginia,
Arizona, Georgia, Maryland, New Jersey*, Pennsylvania, Washington,
Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Carolina, Wyoming,
California, Illinois, Missouri, New York* ^, South Dakota*,
Colorado, Indiana, Montana, North Carolina, Tennessee,
Connecticut*, Kansas*, Nebraska, Ohio, Texas,
Delaware, Kentucky, Nevada, Oklahoma, Utah, U.S. Military*
*Indicates jurisdictions with no executions since 1976.
^ New York's death penalty statute was declared unconstitutional on June 24, 2004.
STATES WITHOUT THE DEATH PENALTY (12)
Alaska, Maine, Minnesota, Vermont,
Hawaii, Massachusetts, North Dakota, West Virginia,
Iowa, Michigan, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, District of Columbia
Why isn't it used across the board? This should be available in every state. Somebody commits a heinous crime in Texas is going to be put to death, where same crime in Iowa will result in a lifetime in the gray bar hotel. Just doesn't make sense. Crimes worthy of the death penalty, regardless of where committed, should adhere to the same punishment.
DEATH ROW INMATES BY STATE*
South Carolina 73
North Carolina 203
U.S. Military 7
South Dakota 4
New York 3
New Jersey 15
New Mexico 2
Source: NAACP LDF Death Row, U.S.A. (7/1/04) (includes cases with temporary reversals)
*When added, state totals are slightly higher because some inmates are sentenced in more than one state.
One of the arguments that I hear from people opposed to the death penalty is that there are a large number of people accused and incarcerated wrongly, and we shouldn't take the chance of killing an innocent person.
Since 1973, over 100 people
have been released from death
row with evidence of their
innocence. (Staff Report, House
Judiciary Subcommittee on Civil
& Constitutional Rights, Oct.
1993, with updates from DPIC).
So, in 30 years, only about 100 people have been released from death row due to being found innocent. Only 100. Considering there are currently about 3,500 people waiting to die at the state level, had these 100 inmates not been released, it would have meant 100 dead "innocent" people. 100 doesn't sound like a bad error rate to me. Any chef will tell you, if you want to make an omelet, you'll have to break some eggs.
FINANCIAL FACTS ABOUT THE DEATH PENALTY
The state of Kansas reviewed its death penalty expenses and found that capital cases are 70% more expensive than
comparable non-capital cases, including incarceration. (Kansas Performance Audit Report, December 2003)
A study by Indiana's Criminal Law Study Commission found that the total costs of the death penalty exceed the
complete costs of life without parole sentences by about 38%, assuming that 20% of death sentences are overturned
and resentenced to life. (Indiana Criminal Law Study Commission, January 10, 2002)
The most comprehensive study in the country found that the death penalty costs North Carolina $2.16 million per
execution over the costs of a non-death penalty murder case with a sentence of imprisonment for life. The majority of
those costs occur at the trial level. (Duke University, May, 1993).
Enforcing the death penalty costs Florida $51 million a year above and beyond what it would cost to punish all
first-degree murderers with life in prison without parole. Based on the 44 executions Florida has carried out since
1976, that amounts to a cost of $24 million for each execution. (Palm Beach Post, January 4, 2000)
In Texas, a death penalty case costs an average of $2.3 million, about three times the cost of imprisoning someone in
a single cell at the highest security level for 40 years. (Dallas Morning News, March 8, 1992).
The death penalty costs California $90 million annually beyond the ordinary costs of the justice system-$78 million of
that total is incurred at the trial level. (Sacramento Bee, March 28, 1988).
But I haven't been able to find out WHY it's so much more expensive to kill a convicted felon rather than have them sit on our tax dollars for 30 years+, living out a life sentence? I mean, how much does a bullet cost? How much is a length of rope long enough to hang a man? Let's assume that your average everyday bullet costs one dollar. Shit, I'd be willing to pony up the $3,500 just to take out the inmates currently sitting on death row across the nation.
EXECUTIONS SINCE 1976 BY METHOD USED*
*some states authorize more than one method
775 Lethal Injection (37 states, plus the U.S. Government and Military)
152 Electrocution (8 states; sole method in 1 state (Nebraska))
11 Gas Chamber (5 states; all have lethal injection as an alternative method)
3 Hanging (2 states; all have lethal injection as an alternative method)
2 Firing Squad (3 states; all have lethal injection as an alternative method)
I say that we keep the firing squads and the noose. Get rid of the gas chamber (not painful enough). Get rid of lethal injection (sure, wipe his arm with an alcohol swab before injecting him. wouldn't want him to get an infection before he dies!). Get rid of Ol' Sparky (this might be where the expense of killing someone comes in). Or start bringing back the more grisly methods of death: drawn and quartered, or maybe impaled on a giant spike.
DETERRENCE AND THE DEATH PENALTY
According to a survey of the former and present
presidents of the country's top academic criminological
societies, 84% of these experts rejected the
notion that the death penalty acts as a
deterrent to murder. (Radelet & Akers, 1996)
Of course it's not a deterrent. Not every state utilizes the death penalty, so there's no consistency, therefore it does not deter. Every instance of the death penalty being invoked does not always conclude with the death of the person for which it was invoked, so there's no consistency, therefore it does not deter. The punishment does not always fit the crime. A man accused of multiple murders can only be killed once. Definitely not "an eye for an eye" in that case. Not only can we not kill the man repeatedly, but we're going to do it in a humane way. HUMANE?!? Was his act of death to multiple persons humane? NO! But we don't want to violate his civil rights and beat him to death with a brick, now do we?
Easy answer to the question of whether the death penalty can be used as a deterrent to violent crime: YES! But how we use it will necessitate change. 1) when the death sentence is handed out by a jury, it must come full circle. The person must ACTUALLY die! 2) timeliness. no 30 year waiting period on death row, taking up more resources to house, clothe, medicate, wash, etc. Once the verdict is handed out, you've got 1 year to work on appeals, proving your innocence, etc. After the 1 year period, if there are no changes, kill 'em. 3) publicize it. make execution a spectator sport again. The more people that see it and are aware of why it is being used, the less people you will have attempting to do what the guy that is getting killed did.
To sum up: Death Penalty = A Good Thing.
If we can only follow my suggestions, we can eliminate what has been reported to be an outrageous amount of money to kill someone. Hell, if money were the issue, there wouldn't be any murder in the first place for someone to be convicted of the death penalty. The guilty party wouldn't be able to afford it!
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...............
The past 2 days has seen temperatures near 70.
The only thing that makes people believe that it's even getting close to Christmas are the lights that decorate the houses.
Heard the statement this morning that we are only two weeks (and a couple of days) away from Christmas day. This didn't seem right. It's too close. We just finished with Thanksgiving!
Time to get the lists from all the family members and start and finish the shopping within the 2 week time frame.
Hope everybody wanted gift certificates!
Funny across generations
If I'm generation "X", then what does that make someone 10 years older than me? Not a "baby boomer", that would be people my parents age, 20-30 years older than me. The real question is what does it make the 40 year old's teenage son? What generation do the 17 year old's fall into?
I ask those questions to pose this statement: Bill Cosby is funny. He spans generational gaps. He was funny for my parents, he was funny for me, and he's funny for the next generation. And clean. Find a comic today that can't get through his set with using curse words. Go ahead. Try to find one. Can't be done. Vulgarity has become the way we communicate. But not Bill Cosby. His routine was safe for all levels of people. And still funny.
The other day I was at the aforementioned "older" friend's house. His 16 year old son and two of his teenage buddies were there as well. They were quoting lines from "Bill Cosby, Himself". And laughing hysterically. If I'm not mistaken, that comedy set was recorded in the early eighties. Before these kids were even born. Yet still tickling the funny bone.
Bill Cosby is funny.
Smarter than he sounds
Due to the fact that my son had what doctors scientifically referred to as "a lot" of fluid in his ears, the minor surgical procedure of placing tubes in his ears was performed. This was done in order to remove the excess fluid and improve his hearing. This way, instead of hearing everything as if he were underwater, he would be able to hear crisp, clear sounds.
I told you that to tell you this: Junior now sees a speech therapist to improve his manner of speaking, which was dampened to the fact that every word that he heard sounded garbled, thus his speech is a bit garbled. (note: speech therapy that is being provided is state funded, thus no cost to me, for once, hooray taxes!)
The speech therapist, upon her last visit with the man child, brought along a toy train, trying to elicit a mere "choo-choo" from Curly. This went on for the entire hour that the therapist had scheduled for her visit.
Due to an early Christmas gift (thanks K&K/J&B) his room now houses a "Thomas The Train" play table, complete with wooden railway and train cars for the rail.
OK. So now it's time to go to daycare. Take Junior upstairs to get him ready to go.
What's the first thing he does?
Goes straight to the train table and starts playing with the trains. Emitting more than one "choo-choo". In fact, it's all that was heard coming out of his pie-hole all the way until he was released into the wild (AKA "daycare"). An entire hour was spent trying to get him to do it once, complete with props. As soon as the therapist leaves, its all he says.
He's not even 2, and he's already jerking grown-ups around for fun. Hopefully, as he gets older, he'll do it for fun AND profit. That's what I'm counting on anyway, my very own little walking, talking retirement plan.
I think we might be able to get a deal with HBO or maybe Comedy Central. Think real-life "South Park".
Oh the glorious lights!
Not to be outdone by The Griswald's,
Greg Parcell has 50,000 lights adorning his home, as reported on Yahoo! News
50,000 lights! Holy crap, good thing he doesn't live anywhere near me. My wife would feel compelled to compete with him. She's already upset that the neighbor across the street has decorated his fence with garland, wreaths, and lights and all we have a "a few crappy bushes covered in lights that you can't even see because the cars in the driveway block the view".
And I can't imagine what kind of shock must be associated with the opening of the electric bill for the month of December.
Quote of the year
"Why am I naked?"
Kickin' it old school
What happened to good rap music? What happened to the old school?
Where's Kool Moe Dee, Kurtis Blow, Newcleus, The Sugarhill Gang?
What happened to Snoop (Doggystyle era, not this new crap he's releasing)?
Where did Dre disappear to (The Chronic anyone)?
I haven't heard any new hip hop that's even worth listening to.
And yes, I'm a white guy in the suburbs
Overweight black women
Seem to have an affinity for me.
This has been true since high school.
I can't help the fact that I have a sweet ass.
Would you like any cheese with that?
Had a conversation this morning regarding cats and garages and cars with the windows left open. Inevitably, the cat ends up in the car and the employee ends up at work with more than just their briefcase. Hilarity ensues.
Now, I can't get the scent of used kitty litter out of my nose. And I don't even own a cat. And there are no litter boxes at work.
Soda drinkers beware?
Good thing this doesn't relate to beer!
Study links soft drinks to esophageal cancer
Fran Bozdech, a 59-year-old high-school counselor in Larkspur, Calif., counts soda as one of her favorite beverages. Everyday, she pops a can of Diet Coke at lunch, and later in the evening, usually has another one during dinner. "I've probably been drinking Diet Coke as long as it's been available," she says.
Three diet cokes a day?????? That's nothing! Not when you consider the fact that my wife goes through about a 12 pack a day.
Dearest, according to this article
found on MSN.com, it's time to cut back
Combat vs. Commuting
Want to feel less stress? Become a fighter pilot, not a commuter !
According to this article
from the Guardian, commuters on Britain's rush-hour roads suffer greater anxiety than fighter pilots or riot police.
I can only imagine how skewed the results would have been had this experiment taken place in Atlanta!