Random & Incoherent
Friday, January 25, 2008
  Have you ever wondered what idiots look like?
Friday, January 18, 2008
  Too Many Sweets
  Why the groom is never allowed to order the wedding cake...
  Sometimes you just know
Thursday, January 17, 2008
  David's Discount Carbon Credits®

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Does your carbon footprint make you feel like a Yeti? Do you loose sleep at night because you drive a CO2 spewing SUV? Do you feel guilty about living in a warm house and not wanting to wear three sweaters all day? Do people point at you and whisper about you not taking climate change seriously?

Stop the guilt! Prove that you care.

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For a small investment, we, at
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1. For a mere $5.00 a month, I will continue to use a rake and not buy one of those nice leaf blowers I have my eye on. Also, I will continue to use my electric lawn mower and not get a planet warming gas mower.

2. I have numerous trees on my property. These suck massive amounts of CO2 out of the atmosphere. For a reasonable amount, you can adopt one of these trees and it will not be cut down and turned into firewood. Small tree: $5.00 per month. Med tree: $15.00 per month. Large tree (very large): $50.00 per month.

3. For only $5.00 a day (or $20.00 per week) we will take transit to work and not drive. For $10.00 per day (or $40.00 per week) I will ride my bicycle to work. This not only reduces CO2 emissions but has the added bonus of reducing traffic downtown.

4. For those wishing to make a larger investment in our planet, this is a great deal. For only $200.00 I will guarantee to not set my thermostat above 68°F for the entire winter. I will lower it to 66°F for $400.00 per winter, to 64°F for $800.00 and to 62°F for $1600.00. (That is as cold as I will go.) For the summer a flat rate of $500 and I will not turn the air conditioner below 80°F.

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Start living a relaxed, guilt free life and help to save the planet at the same time. Keep your comfortable standard of living and reduce our collective carbon footprint. Invest early, invest often. Time is running out; the seas are rising.

Do it - for the children!

(cash only please)

Directly from the Evil Tyrant himself

  Automotive genitalia
More commonly referred to as Truck NutsAlways thought these things were funny. Of course, it's always funnier when they're brass. But then again, I'm a bit of a redneck.

And the only reason I even bother to post this is due to this news story:
Chesapeake Delegate Sponsors Nutty Bill - UPDATE

a Chesapeake lawmaker introduced a bill that bans "truck nuts" from your truck or SUV.

What, now we're being told what kind of accessories we can and cannot put on our vehicles?

Spruill says these types of dangling do-dads are tacky, vulgar, and downright embarassing. It still has a long way to go before it ever becomes law.

Even if they are seen as tacky, vulgar, and embarassing, doesn't our right to free speech protect against this kind of ban? Hell, more than half of what people say to each other in the open streets of America is tacky, vulgar, and potentially embarassing. Where's the bill to make these statements illegal? To make normal, everyday people shut the hell up or fear penalty of fine or imprisonment?

Spruill says the idea for the bill came to him after the daughter of one of the people in his district saw a pair of the testicles hanging from the back of a truck in traffic. That's when Spruill put the bill in action. Although he says he hasn't found anyone to co-sponsor it with him.

No shit he hasn't found anyone to co-sponsor this bill. How many people want to look that idiotic? "Why yes, I helped co-sponsor the bill that made fake testicles on a truck illegal. What's that? Drug problem? Prostitution issue? Homeless people? World Hunger and Global Warming? We've no time for things of such insignificance. We've got to make sure the children don't see dangling balls from a truck."

Hey Einstein, ever take your kids to the zoo? Have you tried to pas a bill to remove the testicles of ever animal in the zoo? Heaven forbid we let the children see that. Or worse yet, try to have their parents explain it.

I think this registers as close as possible to a " 10" on my "why do we give a shit" meter. I've got an idea. Why don't our politicians, our lawmakers, worry about the shit that actually affects people on a daily basis instead of some fake nuts hanging from a truck. Out of spite, I'm getting these and putting them on my truck as soon as possible.

Just because a sect of people don't have class, common sense, or decent taste does not mean that what they do should be made illegal. Then again, if that were the case, more than half of our elected officials would be behind bars. I'm starting to like this. If we can put a rider on the bill that would ensure "stupid" could get arrested as well, then I'll bite, but otherwise, get your hands off my nuts.
  Daily Chuck
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

  Rock Star in training
If it's one thing I've learned from having a child, it's that people that don't have children find it funny to give gifts that are obnoxious and almost all of them make loud noises.

They do this to torment you more than bring joy to a child. They laugh and think it's funny, because, hell, that noise won't be disturbing them once they go home. Oh yeah, and grandparents are notorious for this as well.

Now, please forgive the quality as the video was taken using a phone, but without further ado I present to you Connor, the rock star in training:

  Creepy Crawlies and things that go bump in the night
or more realistically, things that scurry about, eating crumbs you've dropped, and dropping a few pellets themselves.

El Jefe thinks he has a squirrel living in the drop ceiling of his basement. Says he has heard it running around above the tiles and the lights. Has no idea how it got into the house, or even if there is more than one of them.

He tried to find it. He tried to shoot it with his Red Ryder bb gun, you know the one: "An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time"

He's gone to the trouble of installing an elaborate cage trap with corn for bait. He's bought rat traps big enough to catch a raccoon. He's almost broken his finger trying to set those traps. He's been thwarted by the furry little meat puppet, having checked his traps to find that the peanut butter he was using as bait had been licked clean without springing the trap.

And after all that effort, he checked again last night and found out that outside of his potential squirrel problem, he might also have a mouse infestation.
Too bad his cat is too fat and too much outdoors to help in alleviating this issue. But then again, if it were an in-shape, indoor cat, I can only envision a Tom & Jerry scenario anyway.

  action shot
There's nothing really special going on here. Just a few friends playing cards while at the beach. I just found it pretty amazing to be able to take an action shot of a card game with a camera phone.This was before things got rowdy. Don't have any pics that I'm allowed to post of that.
Went to my mother-in-law's for her birthday. Her son, my brother-in-law, a big guy by almost any standards, made a visible effort to change into the shirt you see pictured below. And he wonders why people give him grief on a regular basis.
  On-line dating
Was never big into on-line dating. Might have something to do with it not really being all that prevalent before I got married. But now, there are so many different on-line dating sites, it's crazy. No one out of my dysfunctional circle of friends has attempted it to my knowledge. They all did it the old fashioned way. Started an illicit affair with a co-worker, was approached by an overbearing woman in a piano bar, met in college at a frat party kegger, had an arranged marriage, stalked a stripper, you know, the normal way to do things without a keyboard.

But family members on the other hand, they decided to go against the grain, to try the non-conventional. To take pictures of themselves and post a profile of themselves and what they were looking for in the opposite sex online. I can't even imagine how many crazies they had to reject, how many "blind dates" they had to go on. But they persevered.

Both my sister and a cousin of mine not only found success through online dating, but also found husbands as well. My cousin was so successful, the company used her and her stalk.....er.....boyfriend/husband, whatever in one of their ads:I think my sister used a different online service, but the results were the same. With the exception of being turned into a poster child for keyboard dating.

Might not work for everybody. And I'm sure that if I were still single, I'd probably being giving it a shot as well. Or simply going to the nearest bar and seeing which women were drunk enough to comply to me doing body shots off of them.
  personalized plates should be outlawed
Went out to see a property in a new sub-division a while back and found this car in the parking lot of the builder's model home.
Can't be for sure if the plate is meant to reflect the car or the driver, but either way, I'm not real comfortable with it.
  A boat by any other name
wouldn't be as funny
I don't know if you can actually make it out in the pic, but across the top where the fishing poles would go says "T-Bag". And for those that don't know, there's always the urban dictionary

This is why it's always a good idea to travel with a camera.
  Correct Pronunciation
There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce


The proper way is:

"Okla . . . homa"

(There's a pause between the "a" and the "h".)

See the reason below.

  Lord of the Dance.....the next generation
My boy and his younger cousin, apparently in the middle of a performance
  Subservient much?
  If only that were true......
A Division of Mellanman Productions

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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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