Random & Incoherent
Monday, February 21, 2005
  Best. Error Message. Ever.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
In a setting where questions are expected and/or encouraged, such as a classroom or lecture, is it necessary to preface your question with a statement saying that you have a question, or even asking "can I ask a question"?

"Can I ask a question"?

Numbnuts, you just did ask a question. And since you're only allowed one question per participant, you just used yours up.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
My dentist wants me to have a chest x-ray to rule out the possibility that the gold crown that I swallowed is actually in my lungs.

So, I called my family practice and spoke with a nurse. Why I had to do this considering my sister is a nurse and my neighbor is a nurse, and neither offered any type of advice is beyond me.
Family practice nurse and physician's assistant both assured me that if the crown had ended up in my lungs, there would be no mistaking it. Also, considering it's been a week and a half since the crown was originally ingested, it has more than likely passed through my system. Family practice people instructed me to come in only if I was experiencing pain, discomfort, or constipation.

Since none of the three applied to me, I figure I'm in the clear.

But the dentist still wants to have the chest x-ray.
I think most of it's a situation of CYA for him. But I think he also wants to bitch about my smoking habits.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
  USPAP is my bitch
Uniform Standards of Appraisal Practice (USPAP)

Guidelines adopted across 50 states to ensure consistency and credibility amongst appraisers.

USPAP constituted 15 hours of the current 90 hour course that I am engaged in to become a real estate appraiser. Federally mandated, I might add.

At the end of the 15 hour course, there is a 50 question multiple choice exam. You can miss up to 13 questions and still pass.

It took me roughly 20 minutes to complete the exam and I just found out that I got 46 out of 50 correct, but I still had to wait for the rest of the students to finish because we were going to have class after the exam. An hour and a half later, everybody settled up. And we still had about 4 students (out of 15) FAIL!

Bottom line, when it's all said and done, I owned USPAP.
Monday, February 14, 2005
  Happy Valentine's Day II
  Sandwich I most want to try
"The Hamdog"

The dish, a specialty of Mulligan's, a suburban Atlanta bar, is a hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun. Oh yeah, it's also topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries.

Honey, next time we go out to eat, don't forget to bring the defibrillator.
  The Saga Continues
Needless to say, I do not need to give up my day job for a lucrative position as a gold prospector. Although I have had plenty of practice "panning for gold".

We are now one full week into the mystery of the disappearing gold crown with no clues nor any traces of evidence.

The dentist called me Sunday afternoon to check on me. I thought that was very nice, but it's more than likely his way of trying to avoid some sort of malpractice incident. Anyway, I confirm with the dentist that the crown has not reappeared to the best of my knowledge, but I have learned quite a bit about the human digestion process.

So now he tells me that he's 99% certain that the crown has passed. But there's a 1% chance that the crown is lodged in my lungs. He said he didn't want to mention this earlier because he didn't want to freak me out. Well, now I'm freaked out.

He goes into great detail regarding the physiology of the human throat and what happens when we swallow and what a trachea is, etc., etc. Apparently I'm not experiencing any of the symptoms of "goldcrowninthelungitis", but to be on the safe side, he wants to arrange for a chest x-ray to make certain.

Due to the fact that I have spent a week learning more than I ever wanted to know about what happens to food after you eat it, and the dentist is "99%" certain that the crown has been passed, I am abandoning the search. As far as I'm concerned, The Donner Party is long gone and I've run out of batteries for my flashlight.
  Bumper Sticker of the Day
As I was sitting on the rain soaked interstate systems of the Atlanta area this morning just trying to make my way to work, I looked over at the pick-up truck next to me and noticed yet another redneck with a philosophy. But this one I can agree with.

"Guns Kill People
Just Like Spoons Made Rosie O'Donnell Fat"
  Happy Valentine's Day
Thursday, February 10, 2005
  Red Pill or Blue Pill?
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
  Jerry English: Secret Agent
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
  Where's Jerry?
Monday, February 07, 2005
  Worst. Dentist. Ever!
I start my day out remembering that I have a dentist appointment. Back in November I had had a root canal performed on the tooth that sits in the far upper left corner of my mouth. After a root canal, a temporary crown is placed while you wait for the permanent crown to be manufactured. Now, the permanent crown that I was waiting for was to be made from "high noble". For those that don't know, that's gold. That's right, dentist man gonna put some bling in the mellanman's grill.

Well, all was going as planned. The dentist had removed the temporary crown and had prepped the tooth for the permanent crown. He had the gold ready to go and placed it where it was needed. Well, something slipped and the gold started rolling backwards towards the passageway to my gullet. Luckily, as I was gagging on it, I sat bolt upright, coughing and sputtering and spitting the crown across the room.

The dentist then proceeds to clean off and sterilize the gold, wanting to make another attempt. This time he wants to take an x-ray to ensure that the crown is seated properly. So with his fingers, the assistant's fingers, the crown, and the x-ray equipment all trying to find a home in my mouth.......something slips.

Lying prone in a dental chair with your head tilted back is not the best position for this scenario. Needless to say, the crown once again is making a beeline (like so many beers before it) for the back of my throat. This time I am unable to sit up in enough time, or cough with enough force, to stop gravity (remember, gravity's not just a good idea, it's the law).

So now I've just finished a $2500.00 mid-morning snack. The dentist can't believe it, saying that he's never experienced this before and checks my mouth THREE times before accepting the fact that I was not hiding the gold to take to the pawn shop after our little visit.

Once everyon had calmed down, the dentist looks at me and with a straight face tells me "when you void, I want you to check the movement and let me know when you've found the crown". I'm in such a state of shock at his statement that all I can do is nod my head in agreement. So it's off to Wal-Mart for a strainer and some rubber gloves. That's right ladies and gentlemen, he wants the gold back, and apparently, it's my job to go gold digging.

Needless to say, I did not make it into work today. I needed a day off to adjust to the physicality of what I was being requested to do. And just so everybody knows, so far there has not been any gold in them thar hills.

Of course, my next concern is what is the dentist planning on doing with the crown if and when he gets it back? Same use as before? Good lord! From that point on, anytime that I ate anything, I'd be wondering "why does everything taste like shit?"
Friday, February 04, 2005
  International Raj of Mystery
Thursday, February 03, 2005
  Smokey says: Only you can prevent forest fires!
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  State of the Union
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
  Oxymoron of the day
Sanitary Waste
  When you grew up.......creative license
All stories have been used without permission.
All names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

Anyone else have anything to add?
  When you grew up....Rene
I realize that most have already responded to this, but this is the first day that my home computer has had internet in several weeks.....peace of shit!!

Anyway, here is my take......

I was just curious about people and their jobs.
How many of you are actually happy with your current working situation?
I am very happy since changing jobs in July. I am still not being paid what I thought I should make in the position or at this time in my life, but I'm sure I'm not the only one. Everyone wants to make more. Before, I was under paid, over worked, and under appreciated.... making the alarm clock in the morning a mortal enemy. And I even prayed for a job that would be best for me.... not one that I would bring in the big bucks or one that I would be so excited about, but one that I would enjoy and hopefully get paid enough to pay the bills. It was high time that happiness was more important! For this new job, I am grateful...I am good at it and it is keeping me challenged. So far, so good.....just the normal moans and groans of having a job.

How does your current job differ from what you thought grown up life would be like?
I thought at my age that I would be a college graduate with a husband and 2 kids to raise. Like Adam, 1 1/2 out of 3 isn't bad.... notice I said 1/2 because I did find a guy, I just can't get him to marry me. Anyway, my perception based on my family life was that the husband works for the "big bucks" and the wife works while the kids are in school so she can take care of the kids. I am now assuming that you have to get through this icky part of your life to achieve that grown up status. Who knew this part existed?

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I'm not sure about this one.... when I was little, I wanted to be a princess! Then, I wanted to be a dancer.... ballet, Adam, not stripper! And on my way to college a smart pharmacist, and in college a feminist business woman, cruise line director for the travel, reporter or any job that I could be on TV.... dammit, what the hell do I want to be when I grow up?

Or is all this job bullshit a normal part of getting older and more mature?
Absolutely!! Sometimes I discover one more thing about myself that I can definitely say is me. And maybe the things that I realize about myself will help guide me in a career path and life that leads me to happiness.

All I know is, that growing up, I wanted to be spiderman. Now let's keep in mind that the possibility of getting bitten by a radioactive spider is slim, not to mention the fact that the only result would be a big ass spider bite and no super powers. Unless you call a giant cancerous spider bite "super".
Kevin, I'll support your dream!
  When you grew up....Brandy
I would add my thoughts on the whole subject but I am way too busy
and I need to find my next victim.

I will sum it all up in a short explanation. Growing up I would have
thought that I would have to work 3 jobs to be able to eat.......I
guess the
international life of leisure is not in my budget. Hopefully one day I
learn to live within my means......Probably not. Growing up I wanted to
the first women in the NBA. That is kind of hard when you have no
bone in your body...Now I just dream of getting by.....or finding some
rich man who loves to spend his money on me.....Neither one is panning

The Kissing Bandit!!!!!!!!!
  When you grew up....Adam
I figured it was time for me to ring in on the subject.....I know everyone has been waiting to hear what I have to say so here you go.....

1 - How many of you are actually happy with your current working situation?
happy yes, can I find something to bitch about YES.....like the fact I have not got a paycheck going on 8 weeks.....but hey this is what you get when you stay up drinking till 3am with Whitt and Dave (who by the way 1 has had more jobs than all over us and 1 I'm pretty sure does not even want a job....) and choose a new career path.

2- How does your current job differ from what you thought grown up life would be like?
well considering I did not know nor do I think mortgage brokers even existed when I was growing up this is a lot different. and as far ass grow up life is concerned, I used to think 35 was OLD and you had babies when a man and woman went to sleep in the same bed.....so needless to say I had not a clue of what 'grow up' life would be like.

3-What did you want to be when you were growing up?
the same thing everybody else wanted to be.....a super hero or a porn star. it was a toss up, I was thinking I could be both.....you know, and call my self Orgasmo or something cool like that. no really, I wanted to play football in the NFL. I mean as a kid all I did was play sports and pick my nose.....I knew that would never turn into a job.....

4- Or is all this job bullshit a normal part of getting older and more mature?
I think to say "NORMAL" in our group is a little bit of a stretch....there is nothing normal about it. I knew growing up I would have to get a job and do something, just thought it would be more fun.....I think life in general comes with it's on bullshit and problems, it just depends on who you deal with it to how you survive. If I may quote one of the greats...."If you take life to serious....you will never make it out alive"......Van Wilder (great movie by the way). The whole maturity thing, I'm still working on that......Life is all what we make of it and after being to other countries like India, I will not complain. I've seen good and I've seen bad....and we as a group have gone through a lot of those time together and I for one would not change any of those things for nothing (well maybe one night with Maressa, but hey you guys would to). To be serious you guys all know my parents and their friends (you know us in 20 years) and I think it was 9th grade I got in a pretty big fight with my best friend Kelly Sain and said I was through with him.....my mom picked me up from football practice and on the way home I told here about the fight and that I would not be his friend any more......now what she said next you will not believe but I swear she said it.....she looked at me and said....."Adam, life is pretty tough and no fun if you go it alone, you are at the time in your life when these friends will not all mean something down the road. After high school you will only be close with 4 or 5 of these people and you better chose the right ones, but when you go to college you will meet all new people and friends and those will probably be the friends you will want for the rest of your life and probably the girl you will marry.....then and only then will you be happy." I guess 1 out of 2 was not bad......Hope you guys enjoy the stories.....

All I know is, that growing up, I wanted to be spiderman. Now let's keep in mind that the possibility of getting bitten by a radioactive spider is slim, not to mention the fact that the only result would be a big ass spider bite and no super powers. Unless you call a giant cancerous spider bite "super". (by the way, keep that dream a live.....my brother got bit by a spider one time.....although all he did was go the hospital and get real swolled up and sick.....mom got real mad at me because I went out on a date and left him home alone.....they were at the beach and he actually had to call Chris' mom to take him to the hospital......oh, good times.....)
  When you grew up....Kristi
Loved the other answers you guys sent. I felt I should send my response.

How many of you are actually happy with your current working situation?
Not happy, but I can see the potential in it. If I can become successful ie; make money, then I can be happy with it. I think I was born to do this job. If the economy will just straighten up things can be great. Of course, I always thought I was meant to do more than just sell candles. Kinda thought I would save the world.

How does your current job differ from what you thought grown up life would be like?
I was a very ambitous child. My biggest dream was to become a truck driver or join the Navy, so I could travel. Never have to stay at the same place to long. However, my school counselor tried to steer me into other directions. (I don't know why). Nursing, computers, a lawyer. Given my genetics, I think being The General is where I was meant to be. For Now.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?
All I wanted to be when I was younger was an adult. Never went any more specific than that. Now I wonder why I wanted to rush it.

Or is all this job bullshit a normal part of getting older and more mature?
I think being a grown up is alot harder than I ever thought it would be. Let's go back to school.

Final thoughts..... Out of all of my dreams I never knew how much having a child would change them. I am blessed to have Connor. It is neat to see things from his eyes. It kind of lets you become a kid again. Instead of thinking of my dreams when I was growing up, I just hope I can help Connor fulfill his.
  When you grew up....Kelly
Here's a cloudy, sober Wednesday response on my perspective of my job and my dream.

Do I like me job?

Yes, it's taken me 4 1/2 years to get to the position I was working towards and only hope now to shine in this role before our office closes down (which may in 3 years). Then from there - I don't know what I'll do if that happens.

My dream job.....

Since American Idol has a cut off age for auditions of 28 years old ( this is new - the previous years it was 25)...the hopes of being the next pop princess is out of the question.

I guess in the meantime, I shall wait for everyone to finally get their monies together to put out the box office film www.I know what you did last night.com - (where I shall be the next great actress)....... until then - I will sit back, sip on a toddy and create new scripts!!
  When you grew up....Thierry
Howdy all, here is my two cents on the subject.

And btw Scott I really like your answer. I'd do the same type of thing is I won the lottery.

For myself, I didn't know what i wanted to be when I grew up really. I think that I wanted to have some respectful business job for a huge international company (ibm microsoft...) and live overseas. My dream job narrowed down during college and then when reality hit (graduation), I took the first thing that came.
Looking back, I think that my dream was to just grow up period, be an adult, wise and knowing, who worked on himself hard enough to confront and overcome those pesky weakness that we all have, someone who bettered himself personally and then professionally. Not that I wanted to change who I am, just fine tune that person into someone I could respect more.

I've had a think recently about jobs and I think it comes down to one thing: what really motivates you? I've found that for myself, its not the money or the glory or the idea of "ha ha I did it all by myself" but the idea of working on a team, being a leader, an organizer, helping other people to learn, having people depend on me (not in the sense where I rule the roost but that I am an integral part in something bigger), developing a relationship with a customers, a sense of satisfaction in a job well down, the respect of my colleagues, and helping to achieve an overall goal. I've come to this conclusion by thinking back to when I was happy and doing well in life (college, PSE, sports) and then thinking about what I enjoyed in my other jobs.

None of my jobs have fit my ideal job description, and I believe that is why I haven't made a "career" out of them. I have found that I can be successful in those jobs but after a while the motivation just peters out. (this is one of those pesky things that I am still trying to work on to become a real adult).

AM I happy today in my job? no not at all...I work alone and as previously stated that is not the type of situation for me. Do I know what I need to get out of my next job to be happier? I believe so.

I am still a dreamer and think about what I want to be when I grow up. My current delusions of grandeur include director of short firms, tv host of a travel show, sports announcer here in france, author "the way french and Americans see each other", " cultural stereotypes....which countries make fun of which and why" and " Gleaming the Globe - the thierry kauffman auto biography", Owning my own international business, working for the us embassy then the UN then becoming US ambassador to french Polynesia, Selling products made here in France to the US market and vice versa, college professor, real estate investor and the list goes on and on.

I don't think it is bad to dream but I'm currently trying to push myself forward by picking a project and then going for it. That has started by just writing things down, all those ideas in the back of the head, put them down on paper. The only problem then is you learn it is going to take work to get there.
The other side is that you don't dream, you say "I'm not what I wanted to be when I grow up" and then settle and suffer that fate for the rest of your life without asking yourself why did I want to do that? what else is out there? what do I like to do? what motivates me? what do I want to learn? Maybe things have changed since you were a kid, maybe you have changed. Maybe being in the FBI or a fireman or flying the space shuttle or being a teacher or being an professional athlete in the NFL or NBA wasn't for you. Dream but don't compare your life to a 13 year olds ideal and goals. Make new dreams.

Some people say work always sucks no matter what. Some people have decided to work for the human and personal reward they receive not the financial (teachers, social workers). Some people make their own company and try to make it happen (Scott and Devin). Some people manage to get a clear idea of what they want to do and do it (My aunt, who told my girlfriend, who is looking for a job, not to sell herself short and stick a dream and accept nothing else). And then some join the circus.

There is a saying that says in life you can relax or you can really live.

But then again I'm stuck in a crap job. (I'm getting out, I promise)

  When you grew up....Whitt
Kevin and everyone else,

This is going to be what a lot of us Salisburian's call a 4 Scotch letter. If I rant to long just delete it. First I am curious about what makes you ask these questions, let me know what you are thinking. Secondly I will answer your questions in a different order than you asked them.

How does your current Job differ from what you thought grown up life would be like?

I never thought about what grown up life would be like. When I was a kid I never sat back and thought what life would be like when I was older. I was to busy running around acting like an idiot. I guess if I had truly thought about it I would have thought it would suck to have shit to worry about and to work 40, 50 or 60+ hours a week.

What did you want to be when you were growing up?

I had all sorts of ideas. When I was little I wanted to be Han Solo. When I was in High School I wanted to be in the FBI. When I was in college I wanted to remain in college.

How many of you are actually happy with your current working situation?

This is the big question. I would say out of our group I probably have had more jobs than everyone, Hell maybe more than everyone combined. I can tell you honestly that I have enjoyed every single one of my jobs, each for different reasons. With each job I have had one thing has remained true, I have always had a slump. No matter what I have done I have had down time to think about something else I should or could be doing. My biggest one is what would I do if I won the Lottery? Believe it or not I would still work. I would open up some sort of outdoor adventure company. The truth is that when I think about my life and what I should be doing, Appraising property is not where I thought I would be. Do I enjoy my job, Yes most days. What I like about my job is that, like all others before, it is realistic. I have always done jobs that I can handle and can be or am good at. The other thing I like about my job is that it gives me the ability to go live out that dream life from time to time. I can go camping, kayaking, jeeping, to the beach, to the mountains, and on cruises. I can also go on trips, spend time with my family, my friends, and still manage to get everything done. I think that is the realistic picture. My job is not just a way to make revenue but a way to help me enjoy the life I love. Sure it is not a constant paradise in my work but when it sucks I can think about where my hard work can take me. For this reason I keep a big ass picture of Ellen and Me beside my desk that is from Carlo's N Charlies. It keeps me motivated for my next trip or adventure.

Or is all this job Bullshit a normal part of getting older.


Hope that answered some questions.

Take Care,

  What did you want to be when you grew up?
I was just curious about people and their jobs.
How many of you are actually happy with your current working situation?
How does your current job differ from what you thought grown up life would be like?
What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Or is all this job bullshit a normal part of getting older and more mature?

All I know is, that growing up, I wanted to be spiderman. Now let's keep in mind that the possibility of getting bitten by a radioactive spider is slim, not to mention the fact that the only result would be a big ass spider bite and no super powers. Unless you call a giant cancerous spider bite "super".
  Does whatever a spider can
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
  I can't drive 55
Interstate 285 in Atlanta.

First of all, that's a misnomer. An Interstate is a paved highway that traverses more than one state. I-285 is only a loop that circles the metropolitan area of Atlanta.

The posted speed limit around this loop is 55 MPH.

But don't let that fool you. If you are actually driving 55, little old ladies in big cars will pass you, giving you the finger as they do.

As I was driving home tonight on I-285, I was traveling at approximately 67 MPH. 12 miles per hour over the posted speed limit. And passing no one. So to make up for it, I adjusted my speed upwards. Now traveling at approximately 71 miles an hour, I was still passing no one.

Welcome to Atlanta, where the spee limit is ignored. If you're not doing upwards of 90, be prepared to be passed as if you were standing still.
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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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