Random & Incoherent
Friday, September 30, 2005
  The wave of the future
Must make parallel parking that much easier.....as well as three point turns!

Nissan's New Egg Shaped Car
  Going to the highest bidder

The house is on the market.
Anybody looking to move to Atlanta?
Know of anybody looking to relocate?
Nice 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath, great swim/tennis community in Henry County, one of the fastest appreciating counties in the metro area.
Got a gas fireplace in the living room and a cable connection in the garage.
Plus, I just recently put up some new shelves above the garage door that I know I won't be taking with me. Gotta love "outta the way" storage.

You know you want it.
  Word of the Day - - 9/30/05
: to assume or claim as true, existent, or necessary

This happens all the time in religious circles....postulating the existence of God.....but also to a much more media friendly sense (we tell ourselves it's for the kiddies) with Santa, The Easter Bunny, The Great Pumpkin, Leprechauns, etc.

Try and use it in a sentence today.
  Back in Black

Video Codes
By BurntPickle.com

Thursday, September 29, 2005
  Word of the Day - - 9/29/05
: characterized by or reflecting economy in the use of resources

Sometimes it's rude to refer to someone as "cheap", so we use frugal to appear to be nice about it.

My boss is frugal, Adam is frugal, Kirbs is frugal, and I think my son is learning from at least 2 out of the three.
  The Benefits Of Converting From A Negro To An Assimilated Negro
Stumbled across this blog earlier and thought it needed to be shared.

The Assimilated Negro

I really enjoy the writing style, and his approach to life, both black and white. I'd venture to say that when The Assimilated Negro speaks on racial matters, it can be far reaching, as well as entertaining.

My favorite post thus far has been: The Benefits Of Converting From A Negro To An Assimilated Negro. I won't post the whole thing here, just click the link above and read for yourself, ya lazy ass.

I will include some of the highlights:

In this episode we a’re going to go over the primary reasons why any Negro should want to convert to being an Assimilated Negro:

Reason #1 – White Girls, Assimilated Negrettes, and Asianistas

Reason #2 – Wardrobe Expansion Program

Reason #3 – Get A Job. A What??!!? A Job Ni$$a, A Job!!

Reason #4 – No More Ghetto Living

Reason #5 – Expand Your Food Palette; Eat Healthy!

Reason #6 – Die A Little Later

Reason #7 – Avoid Hassles & Interrogations

Reason #8 – Friends Who Can Actually Help You

Reason #9 – Actually Articulate What You Are Trying To Say

This is somebody I'd like to grab a beer with a have a conversation, but NYC is a bit of a haul for a brew.
Why does it seem that the religiously outward people are also the most bigoted, racist, and homophobic? Whatever happened to love thy neighbor, live and let live (or at least live and let die), or all of God's children deserve to be loved?

It seems that the more tolerant people are the ones that are not quagmired in religious indoctrination. But then again, I never was one much for organized religion. There's no reason why you can't have a relationship with God, yet still be "normal". No need to beat the bible, speak in tongues, or handle snakes.

As far as I'm concerned, just try and follow The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

This is probably the best piece of advice anyone could ever get. Not always easy to follow, but something to definitely strive for. The Golden Rule makes almost all other statements irrelevant. All 10 of the Commandments could be replaced with this one phrase. And that would have made it a lot easier for Moses to carry around, as opposed to those stone tablets.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
  Tragedy, defined
Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy."

So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.?

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
  I Like Music
Not in a “scrounging the local record stores for unknown artists and attending local clubs to spot unknowns” kind of way, but more in a “soundtrack to life” kind of way. Not to say that I’m not interested in learning about, hearing, and appreciating new bands, but I’m lazy. I haven’t bought a new CD in about 10 years. I have not updated my CD collection in that amount of time, in fact it has decreased due to the break-in of my wife’s car. I know that there is new music out there that I am unaware of, and would probably enjoy.

I do not have the time, patience, nor desire to hunt for new music that might fall into my range of musical taste. Every now and then, someone suggests something, and I get lucky. But most of the time, I stick with what I know. Which basically means, what’s on the radio. And I am definitely sick of “heavy rotation”. Even if the song is good, overplay tends to make me despise it and flip the station any time it comes on.

Got any good suggestions for rock, punk, hip-hop, etc? I’m really not that picky. Lyrics aren’t that important to me. I’m more interested in the melody, the beat, the rhythm. Not to say that lyrics aren’t important, just that I don’t read into them, nor do I put much weight on what is being said. IS it catchy? Does it rhyme? Does it work with the music itself? If not, might as well be Gregorian Chant. Which is cool from time to time.

Got anything comparable to The Ramones? The Beastie Boys? Henry Rollins? Flogging Molly? AC/DC? New bands reminiscent of the old, with perhaps a new twist? Let me know, I’d like to check it out.
  Fire Drill
Time to empty the entire human contents of two buildings into the street and hope no one gets lost in the process. You're always told to remain calm and exit in a civilized manner. But that shouldn't mean that you take your sweet-ass time doing so. I guarantee you, that in the event of a real fire, these same slow-ass people meandering down the stairs would not hesitate to push you out of the way, knock you down, and trample all over you to save their sorry asses.

Best part of this fire drill was the fact that it got me away from one boring, uneventful conference call.

Oh well, time to start thinking about what to eat for lunch.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Just another gray, rainy, miserable Monday morning. Woke up well after my alarm clock had buzzed and danced in an attempt to lull me out of sweet slumber.

I don't think I even need to mention the issue of traffic. You've all heard it before, and I would only be repeating myself.

The saving grace was the Chik-Fil-A drive-thru close to the office. For the first time in a long time I was greeted by professional and courteous minimum wage slaves that actually seemed to enjoy their jobs. Quite a refreshing moment. And they make one of the biggest sausage biscuits I think I've ever had. It most definitely qualifies as a "big ass" biscuit.

Now due to the fact that I was behind schedule this roughly translates to “showing up late for work”.

But it also reminds me of the age-old question: “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound”?

If an employee shows up late to work, and there are no managers around to witness the time violation, did it really happen?
Of course it happened!
But your boss doesn’t know, and what he doesn’t know, in this case, won’t kill him. And, I still get to leave at my regularly scheduled time.
Everybody wins.
Well, not everybody, but definitely me.

I’m fortunate in the fact that I do not have to “punch-in” on a time clock.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
My wife is a certified weather nut. The Weather Channel is one of the most frequently watched in my house. At any given moment, you can almost guarantee that one of the three televisions in my house will be tuned to TWC.

Most recently, with the onslaught of Hurricane Katrina, and onset of Hurricane Rita there isn’t a moment that goes by that TWC isn’t being broadcast throughout my house. I’ve almost gotten to the point where I can tune it out without much effort.

But constantly hearing about it has gotten me thinking. Everybody seems worried that Rita was going to hit New Orleans and reign down more devastation. So what? Wouldn’t that make more sense? Since the area has already been decimated by the previous hurricane, and money has not yet started flowing for the rebuilding of the area, wouldn’t this be an ideal place and time for the Hurricane Rita to hit?

As opposed to tearing up other areas of the U.S., why not just mess up an already bulldozed area. We won’t have to try and divert monies to several places at one time in the rebuilding process, but rather focus our attention on the area already screwed.

How pissed would the American people be if we spent millions, if not billions, of dollars to rebuild New Orleans only to have it hit by another deadly hurricane, forcing us to start all over again?

Just something that was rolling around the old noggin
  The caped crusader

Saturday, September 24, 2005
While in Columbia, SC this weekend, I had an opportunity to check out the 19th Annual Greek Festival held in the downtown area. Now, in my opinion, the two best reasons to go to such a festival is the food and the music. Plus, it gives you a good and legal excuse to consume beer out in the street. And for the record, in the spirit of things, I started out with a nice Greek import (the name escapes me at the moment). It was pretty good, not spectacular by comparison to the Bud's I started drinking (because they were cheaper).

Between the entire family, as we all pretty much ate a la carte, we chowed down on all of the following:
Souvlaki(Marinated tenderloin on skewer with bread)
Souvlaki (With salad and bread)
Souvlaki Basket (Souvlaki, Greek potatoes, salad and bread)
Greek Roasted Potatoes (small) (Souvlaki booth)
Greek Roasted Potatoes (large) (Souvlaki booth)
Gyro (Blend of beef and lab with onion, tomato and dressing on pita bread)
Greek Fries (in Gyro Booth)
Loukoumades (Greek Doughnuts)

Aside from the food and drinks, there were a bunch of booths set for vendors to peddle their wares. Didn't spend any money on that, but it was interesting to window shop. You got to see a lot of Greek influence as well as authentic Greek items. But better than the vendor booths was the music smack dab in the middle of the joint, complete with dance floor. "Night In Athens" Trio: George Antonopoulos, Nick Trivelas & Joanna was the entertainment on hand, and there's something about Greek music, especially live, that seems to lift the spirits a bit. That, and watching a 2 year old dance to the tunes was very entertaining.

And I'm glad we chose this route as far as family entertainment goes. It could have been worse. We could have ended up at the Okra Strut, which was also going on at the same time. Having grown up attending the Strut, I had pretty much had my fill of Okra and was perfectly content recognizing the fact that it was going on, yet failing to participate.

All in all, just a good weekend.
Friday, September 23, 2005
  Things I hate
I hate this town.
I hate my job.
I hate my company.
I hate my boss.
I hate my boss’s boss.
I hate traffic.
I hate rain.
I hate bums.
I hate stadiums.
I hate baseball.
I hate meetings.
I hate MARTA (both buses and trains).
I hate over-priced beer.
I hate designated outdoor smoking areas.
I hate "free" lunches.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
  swinging free and flying high
ok, so not really flying high, he needed a push for that
  time for another meeting
Main Entry: meet
Pronunciation: 'mEt
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): met /'met/; meet•ing
Etymology: Middle English meten, from Old English mEtan; akin to Old English gemOt assembly -- more at MOOT
transitive senses
1 a : to come face-to-face b : to come together for a common purpose : ASSEMBLE c : to come together as contestants, opponents, or enemies

The obvious reason for meetings is to get a group of people together for a common goal. To discuss things that might affect everyone in attendance, to call for action, to discuss pertinent information and possibly debate. But as seen in the definition above (from Merriam-Webster.com) it is also a coming together of contestants, opponents, or enemies. Language such as that would suggest a possible battleground, and in today’s corporate environment, that battlefield would be known as the Conference Room.

Personally, I think that the majority of meetings proceed more smoothly and achieve better results when they are “face-to-face” and “in person”. You tend to concentrate a bit more when you physically have to look at the person that is speaking. As opposed to the current trend of “conference calling”. Don’t get me wrong, the telephone can be a huge benefit in regards to a meeting. You might have participants in different locations that are physically unable to (or it is financially irresponsible to) attend a particular meeting. That makes sense, especially if the participant is an integral part of the discussion. However, when all parties are within walking distance to the meeting place and CHOOSE not to attend physically, but rather patched in over a telephone line, you tend to notice a change in behavior. And I’m just as guilty of it as the next guy.

Typically, you rationalize the use of the conference call, stating that you will be more productive if you stay at your desk. What this means is that you are free to play a hand or two of Solitaire, surf the web even. The conference call also tends to diminish group discussion. You just hear one person speaking, because too many people speaking at once over a conference bridge leads to distortion, and you typically tend to tune that person out anyway. As a participant in a conference call, your main goal is to listen, as you do other mindless task at your desk (see: Solitaire), until you hear your name.

Once you have heard your name, don’t immediately answer the question that was asked of you, instead reply with something witty. Perhaps “Could you repeat the question, I was involved in an invoicing issue that required my presence to resolve and did not hear what was asked of me”. This shows that you were being productive while not paying attention to the original question. Always make it LOOK like you’re working, even if they can’t see you.

And one of the biggest lessons learned is: no matter how long the meeting is scheduled for, it will never end on time. For that matter, it will never start on time either. And the higher up you are, the later you are allowed to arrive without repercussions. The lower on the totem pole, the sooner you can expect to get your ass handed to you.

The biggest problem with a conference call is not actually directly seen by the participants, but rather their fellow cube prisoners. Due to the fact that there is no way to close off a cube, everyone around you will hear the whole “meeting” due to the technological wonder that is the speakerphone.

Bottom line: you’ll get more accomplished if you actually meet with people as opposed to tuning them out over the phone. And you won’t piss your co-workers off with the deafening volume of your speakerphone
  Avast me hearty!
Well ahead of the curve that is the phenomenon of National Talk Like a Pirate Day is North Carolina State University, who has a 'Pirate' On Ballot For Student Body President
Talk Like a Pirate Day was September 19, NC State's presidential candidate was running back in March.
A student is on the ballot, not under a real name, but as The Pirate Captain. He even has a platform or "plank." It includes "expanding the bus lines to haul thar peopled cargo to and fro from ACC bouts at the yonder RBC Center." Also, "holding meetin's open to all yae landlubbers."

Simply a trend, or are pirates really making a comeback?
  Things to do
1) Survive 8 hours in the cube farm

2) Maintain sanity riding back on the highway of imminent death

3) Remember to pick up junior from his incarceration that is daycare

4) Continue the neverending process that is "laundry"

5) Ensure sustenance, at a minimum for the young one

6) Sleep

7) Wake up and repeat

Please let me know if I've forgotten anything
Monday, September 19, 2005
  From the Beer Snobs
Friday, September 16, 2005
  On the road again
Heading back to NC. This time to Lake Norman, which skirts Charlotte.

And I wonder how it's possible to rack up so many miles.

Have a few cold ones and enjoy the weekend. I'll check back in on Monday.
  Whitt for President in '08

How can States that have a large part of their income coming from Tobacco Farmers consider banning smoking in Restaurants. I will eliminate this law from all states. I will then make Kansas and Arkansas non smoking states. If you hate smoke, move there. Everywhere else in America will be a designated smoking section. This includes all buildings, especially those owned or leased by the government. By damn government employees have to have something to do with their free time.

The weekend will now begin at 2:00 on Thursday and go until Noon on Monday. During Football season weekends will be expanded to Noon on Tuesday so people can sleep in after Monday night football games.

I will raise the price of Gas nationwide to $25 a gallon. By doing this, demand will be on the car companies to start producing affordable more powerful Hybrid and Electric cars. Once most of the U.S. is driving a little wimpy hybrid and oil companies have no more demand I will release gas prices back down to .05 cents a gallon and go buy a Hummer for 25 bucks. This will make Dinda Happy. I might even buy a Cadillac for those longer trips.

Interest Rates
I am going to lower the interest rate to minus 5%. That is right, the bank is going to pay you to borrow money. These banking SOB's have been robbing us all for years it is about time we got some of our hard earned money back.

I will assign people who have shown a life of law abiding, common sense, and decency (obviously none of you) the right to beat peoples asses without punishment. These people will have the right to kick your ass for being an idiot. We have to many dumbasses in this country and its time they got an ass beating. They will start with Congress and work their way down the ladder.

No more government programs, get a job dipshit. If you can't get a job make one of your 14 kids get a job. We will help those incapable of work, outside of that put down the "need money for food" sign and go to Wal Mart.

Crime part 2
Hangings on the town square will start again ASAP. You get 2 weeks after being found guilty to appeal. Found guilty a second time, go straight to the Rope. Ways to get hung: rape, sell drugs, murder, beat your wife, molest anyone, give money to terrorist, help a terrorist, and owning a bar without Bud or Bud Light.

Obscenity Laws

Public Drunkenness
Mandatory weekly!

Everyone who sends 2 or more e-mails a week and states that it needs to be sent to 10 or more people will get a visit from the dumbass police. We all have to much better to do than bother other people with these things. If they are funny send them on, if not, get ready for your ass whoopin.

Gone as you know them. We are going to quit helping out all other countries. We are also doing away with welfare. We are going to start taxing people heavily to watch T.V. Shows on the WB will be taxed at 300 times the normal rate. I figure if you have time to watch something on WB then you have a lot of extra money or you will be visited by the dumbass police for your ass whoopin. We will also recoup are tax dollars by doing a new season of friends and charging $500 a show to watch. This country will have a surplus of money in no time. If not we will declare war on Microsoft, budget solved.

Last but not least,

Every American will have the right to receive a Bud Light no matter where on Earth he may be. Want to go to Ishlamahamada you will have a Bud Light. Countries that can not except this will be warned. If this does not work economic sanctions will begin. If that does not work watch out because we are coming for you. Unleash your beverages of Brain destruction for Americans all over the world to enjoy or feel the wrath of Whitt in 08.

Sponsored by the committee to make French people Bathe.
and IGINQ I'm Glad I'm Not Queer.

Whitt in 08

Please send this message to 10 people or..... Hey who are you, the dumbass police, what in the hell....... OWWWWWWWW

Thursday, September 15, 2005
  Farmer John's Problem
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about
all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said:

Three days later, Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:
That really sped them up.
So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sherifftold him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day to complain.
The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself "I'd better ! go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

Go slow and watch
out for the Chicks!

Submitted by DD
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
  just a fashion update
Unless you are in the medical profession you should NOT be wearing scrubs!

I saw today in the halls of Corporate America a gentleman, whom I know for a fact is NOT involved in any medical field, wearing scrubs.

What's worse is I overheard part of a conversation from his end stating that he had worn them to sleep and pretty much just rolled out of bed and headed to work.

Does anyone understand the concept of professionalism?
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
  fun to mess with his head
The best thing about working in a "business casual" environment are the days you decide to dress up a bit. Whether it be a full suit or simply a pair of slacks paired with a smart shirt and tie.

This will normally throw everyone off.

There are a few typical thoughts that run through your fellow cube farmee's minds as they see you show up looking all spiffy:

1) Somebody died and you have to go to a funeral

2) For whatever illicit reason, you have a court date

and my personal favorite, the most jumped to conclusion (especially from a management perspective)

3) You have an interview scheduled

You simply can't show up to a "business casual" work place all pimped out without raising a few suspicions.

So I think once it cools down a bit more, possibly during the entire month of October, I will "dress to impress". Not that I really need to impress anyone, nor am I planning on a massive interview strike, but it will be fun and entertaining to watch my boss sweat for no apparent reason.

Besides, I recently bought a new suit and I think it's feeling neglected sitting all alone in a suit bag hanging in the closet.
  It might be cursed
OK, here’s the current story regarding the bike of immediate pain:
As you already know, I trailered the bike up to Lincolnton, NC. My brother-in-law’s father, Junior, has expressed interest in helping me get it up and running again. Well, last week I got a call from my brother-in-law stating that a good friend of Junior's, “Squeak”, was interested in buying the bike as-is. This sounded like a good thing to me. We were going up that way for Labor Day weekend anyway.

Once we got to my sister-in-law’s house and got settled in, we started have the usual bantering discourse. During the course of our babbeling, I learned that “Squeak” had been out to test drive a similar bike. “Squeak”, who’s been riding longer than I’ve been alive, managed to lay the bike down while traversing a gravel driveway. He wasn’t injured, other than some bumps and bruises, nor was the bike damaged (lucky him). However, from what I’ve been told, it will take quite a lot for “Squeak” to convince his wife that a motorcycle is a good idea. Not only did he throw himself off of the bike, but he managed to land himself in the doghouse as well.

So as it stands, I still have a Harley for sale.
Monday, September 12, 2005
  dress for success, or a night clubbin' whatever
Ever since I left to purchasing group at my current place of employment, I stopped wearing button-down shirts and ties. I still maintain a slacks and golf shirt attire throughout much of the work week, saving the jeans for Friday. This would be how I would describe "business casual". I wore shirts and ties due to my position as a buyer, dealing with outside vendors and inside customers. Tried to present a "professional" appearance. Cause we all know that it's not how well you do your job, but rather how you look while doing it.

The only reason I even bring up personal attire at the workplace is due to the atrocities that I come across every day working in a "professional" building in downtown Atlanta. Yesterday I got off the elevator, and to my surprise saw a woman wearing jeans shorts and biker bar t-shirt. And in my mind the first thing to sprout was "this is business casual?"

The same thought floats through my head on a regular basis. Did you see the guy wearing the Sean John velour sweat suit? I did. The woman who dyed her hair a nice shade of pink? One floor down from me. The guy down the hall walking around in sweat pants? And trust me, it's not because he just came from the gym.

Then there are the "club girls". Doesn't matter what time of day it is, they always look like they're ready to go to the nearest disco. Plus the majority of women just show too much skin. What's that!!!! Too much skin?!?!? Is that even possible? Trust me, 9 times out of 10, you don't want to see it. Besides, it's a contradiction. You don't want me showing up to the office in a tank top now do you?
The overly baggy pants (jeans or otherwise) paired with a nice athletic jersey just don't cut it. Good God! Must be at least 10 times a day when I see the way someone is dressed in a "professional" setting and have to ask the question "did you even look in the mirror before you left the house?"

No more sweat suits, skorts, mini-skirts, tank tops, ripped jeans, t-shirts, shorts, etc. For God's sake this is supposed to be a place of business. I say we institute a uniform policy. Unlike a dress code, which no one enforces, a uniform would be much easier to do so as well as to maintain. Hell, even McDonald's has a uniform policy. When was the last time you were in a Target? Everybody wears khaki pants and red shirts. They're not always the same type of clothing, but it's easy to identify an employee, just look for khaki and red.

Either we go back to traditional business attire or I quit.

That's my ultimatum.

The following pictorial represents a kind of "do's" and "don't's"
and this is from The National Society of Black Engineers

These examples are rather tame, but tend to illustrate my point; and I see much worse every day that I venture into my corporate cocoon.
  Why didn't I think of that?
[smacks forehead]

FYI: the logo above links to the site
yet another market previously untapped, that I have had first hand experience with, just never had the imagination/creativity to come up with anything. Then again, I've never really had a problem ashing a cigarette into a bottle that it would've necessitated modification.

and if you were wondering, YES it will accommodate a 40
  His mother told me to do it
There was no crying, no fussing, no pain, no yelling.....and Connor didn't complain either.

of course, it doesn't matter how good a new hair cut looks, all he wants to do is wear the hat
Friday, September 09, 2005
  rabbit depression?
I never knew bunnies had it so rough.

Bunny Suicides

If you're looking for a giggle on your Friday, then check it out. Not gruesome, cartoonish.

credit for this little gem goes to the Evil Tyrant
Thursday, September 08, 2005
  soft drink soldier (camoflage)
be sure to scroll to the right of the pic to be able to read the instructions
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
  our fish
A rare day at the pool.
I say "rare", only due to the fact that it is rare that I go. His mother does all of the pool work, yet gets none of the credit.

  batman on the brain
While at my sister-in-law's house this past weekend, the man-child disappeared just long enough to find a pair of his boxer shorts and appropriately place them on his head.

Now keep in mind this is the same kid who, on the return trip home while strapped in his car seat, found his duffel bag, pulled out a pair of dirty socks and slid his grubby little hands into them.
For whatever reason, he's going through a stage where he likes to wear clothing in an inappropriate manner. It's just comedy gold.
  telemarketing turnaround
anti-telemarketing counterscript
This site provides you with a step-by-step script that you can use the next time you get a call from a telemarketer. Of course, this is if you have the time and desire to get long winded with the guy.
A better option I've read about goes a little something like this:
OK, here is is, folks. this is the ONLY "counterscript" you need.

for the love of fark, please remember this SIMPLE three word phrase to kick telemarkers in the box and shove them!


then put the phone down beside you, and either hang it up in a minute, or when you hear the "open line' tone.

this is currently the BEST way to seriously damage telemarkers. here is why:

1. telemarketer scum is waiting for you, and cannot bother anyone else until this call is completed.
(which is why you should never just hang up, or say "sorry, not interested, take me off your list")

2. my time is too valuable to spend playing "games" with a counterscript of any kind.

3. telemarketing company will see that their call/time ratio is getting hammered if enough people do this.

4. telemarketing company either goes out of business, or finds a new, more successful form of spamming.
(as if much else could be worse then fishing for bites by calling our home phones_)

bonus points for those of you who come back after 1 minute, and see if you can get the spamming scum
to stay on the line for a little longer. I personally just use the "hang up after a few minutes, or if I hear the
open tone" method

"hey, you still there? great! they'll be right there, just washing their hands now" classic.

If anyone was wondering why sometimes they pick up their phone and only hear a "click", and if you
wait ~10 seconds, a telemarker may come on - that's because telemarkers use something called
predictive dialing. meaning that if you have say, 30 employees, and the average call lasts 30 seconds
(ranging from MORAN who is giving them money, and those of you who say "fark off" and disconnect.

a computer will just keep ringing phones in the "queue", routing them to telemarkers who are not logging a
call at the moment.

(I personally HATE this use of technology becuase I sound like a moran to people around me when I say
"hello" several times just in case the other party has a bad connecton, or did not hear me the first time, etc.)

what's the best part of my simple method?

you don't have to do ANYTHING, and you hurt the sales per call profit ratio that the company would expect.

the predictive dialer must be tweaked so that it is not making as many calls / hour.

thus, we don't get bothered as much. this is basically want we want in the first place. don't farking call me, spamming asshats!


please try to remember.
Friday, September 02, 2005
  Off we go
Time for an obligatory tour of North Carolina.

We'll leave Atlanta around 1:00 P.M. The truck will be loaded down, making us look like the Beverly Hillbillies. With the blatant lack of cash and no visible rocking chair with Granny in it.

Roll through SC, no need to stop. Hit Charlotte. Unload most of truck. Travel to Salisbury. Look around. Last stop: Lincolnton.

Should be back in the Dirty South sometime Monday.

Happy Holiday traveling to all.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
  potty humor
The Canonical List of Terms for Taking a Crap

And of course, my personal favorite AND most used while at work:

Downloading some brownware

of course if you want to run the gamut of what happens in the privacy of the loo:
Euphemisms and witticisms
  Never really thought about it before
Welcome to P-MATE the female public urinating device

P-Mate – allowing women to wee standing up without giving anything away

* Do you desperately need the toilet but you can’t find one?
* Do you queue for a long time when you find a toilet?
* When you get into the cubicle is it so dirty you would rather not bother?
* Do you sometimes wish you could go anywhere, like the men do?
* Are there times when squatting just doesn’t seem appropriate?
* Do you think sitting on a public toilet compromises your personal hygiene?
* Do you get uncomfortable trying to hold in your pee while hunting for a clean toilet?


P-Mate is your Solution
P-Mate is a portable device small enough to fit in your pocket, purse or bag

Top P-Mate Moments

* Festivals – when portaloos are too awful to consider sitting on
* Camping – when you don’t want to bare your bum in the bush
* Queues – you’re caught in line but there’s nowhere to pee without losing your place and your mystique
* Pubs, clubs and concerts – when queuing for hours and hovering over the loo may be the only option because the toilet is so gross
* Public toilets – when you don’t want to perch your bum where thousands of germs have gone before
* On the road – when you can’t wait for the next rest step
* Trains, planes and automobiles – when facilities can be too vile to sit on
* Travelling – third world toilets can be best avoided
* Skiing – don’t get caught short on the piste
* Boating – when your choice may be a bucket or a hole
* Pregnancy – weak bladders doesn’t have to be a nightmare
  Time for a change
With all the price gouging occurring over the last 24 hours relating to gasoline, I'm seriously considering selling at least one of my current vehicles and investing in one that ha a diesel engine. I've been checking eBay, and low bids right now are around $100. But why buy another vehicle that depends upon fossil fuels? Simple, I don't plan on utilizing fossil fuels to power the diesel engine. I would want to take full advantage of Biodiesel, and start hitting up fast food joints for the vegetable oil they discard on a regular basis. If not that, no worries, there's a station in Salisbury, NC that makes the stuff available. But to even one up the idea of scrounging fast food joints, or even buying biodiesel outright, I can always make my own, effectively dropping my cost down to about $0.46/gallon

Anybody interested in buying a 2003 Ford Explorer Sport Trac?
  Sign of the times
  Dateline: Stockbridge, GA
Wednesday, 8/31/05

This is practically right down the road from where I live
A Division of Mellanman Productions

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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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