Tuesday, September 06, 2005
telemarketing turnaround
anti-telemarketing counterscript
This site provides you with a step-by-step script that you can use the next time you get a call from a telemarketer. Of course, this is if you have the time and desire to get long winded with the guy.
A better option I've read about goes a little something like this:
OK, here is is, folks. this is the ONLY "counterscript" you need.
for the love of fark, please remember this SIMPLE three word phrase to kick telemarkers in the box and shove them!
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
then put the phone down beside you, and either hang it up in a minute, or when you hear the "open line' tone.
this is currently the BEST way to seriously damage telemarkers. here is why:
1. telemarketer scum is waiting for you, and cannot bother anyone else until this call is completed.
(which is why you should never just hang up, or say "sorry, not interested, take me off your list")
2. my time is too valuable to spend playing "games" with a counterscript of any kind.
3. telemarketing company will see that their call/time ratio is getting hammered if enough people do this.
4. telemarketing company either goes out of business, or finds a new, more successful form of spamming.
(as if much else could be worse then fishing for bites by calling our home phones_)
bonus points for those of you who come back after 1 minute, and see if you can get the spamming scum
to stay on the line for a little longer. I personally just use the "hang up after a few minutes, or if I hear the
open tone" method
"hey, you still there? great! they'll be right there, just washing their hands now" classic.
If anyone was wondering why sometimes they pick up their phone and only hear a "click", and if you
wait ~10 seconds, a telemarker may come on - that's because telemarkers use something called
predictive dialing. meaning that if you have say, 30 employees, and the average call lasts 30 seconds
(ranging from MORAN who is giving them money, and those of you who say "fark off" and disconnect.
a computer will just keep ringing phones in the "queue", routing them to telemarkers who are not logging a
call at the moment.
(I personally HATE this use of technology becuase I sound like a moran to people around me when I say
"hello" several times just in case the other party has a bad connecton, or did not hear me the first time, etc.)
what's the best part of my simple method?
you don't have to do ANYTHING, and you hurt the sales per call profit ratio that the company would expect.
the predictive dialer must be tweaked so that it is not making as many calls / hour.
thus, we don't get bothered as much. this is basically want we want in the first place. don't farking call me, spamming asshats!
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
please try to remember. ¶ 7:06 AM
This site provides you with a step-by-step script that you can use the next time you get a call from a telemarketer. Of course, this is if you have the time and desire to get long winded with the guy.
A better option I've read about goes a little something like this:
OK, here is is, folks. this is the ONLY "counterscript" you need.
for the love of fark, please remember this SIMPLE three word phrase to kick telemarkers in the box and shove them!
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
then put the phone down beside you, and either hang it up in a minute, or when you hear the "open line' tone.
this is currently the BEST way to seriously damage telemarkers. here is why:
1. telemarketer scum is waiting for you, and cannot bother anyone else until this call is completed.
(which is why you should never just hang up, or say "sorry, not interested, take me off your list")
2. my time is too valuable to spend playing "games" with a counterscript of any kind.
3. telemarketing company will see that their call/time ratio is getting hammered if enough people do this.
4. telemarketing company either goes out of business, or finds a new, more successful form of spamming.
(as if much else could be worse then fishing for bites by calling our home phones_)
bonus points for those of you who come back after 1 minute, and see if you can get the spamming scum
to stay on the line for a little longer. I personally just use the "hang up after a few minutes, or if I hear the
open tone" method
"hey, you still there? great! they'll be right there, just washing their hands now" classic.
If anyone was wondering why sometimes they pick up their phone and only hear a "click", and if you
wait ~10 seconds, a telemarker may come on - that's because telemarkers use something called
predictive dialing. meaning that if you have say, 30 employees, and the average call lasts 30 seconds
(ranging from MORAN who is giving them money, and those of you who say "fark off" and disconnect.
a computer will just keep ringing phones in the "queue", routing them to telemarkers who are not logging a
call at the moment.
(I personally HATE this use of technology becuase I sound like a moran to people around me when I say
"hello" several times just in case the other party has a bad connecton, or did not hear me the first time, etc.)
what's the best part of my simple method?
you don't have to do ANYTHING, and you hurt the sales per call profit ratio that the company would expect.
the predictive dialer must be tweaked so that it is not making as many calls / hour.
thus, we don't get bothered as much. this is basically want we want in the first place. don't farking call me, spamming asshats!
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
"HOLD ON, PLEASE"
please try to remember. ¶ 7:06 AM
