When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
¶ 8:43 AM0 commentslinks to this post
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Hammock Stand - 1.........Mom - 0
The holidays are always rough. If you've got family, more than likely someone will be traveling so that you can spend time together. This past weekend, we went to Columbia to spend time with my parents, sister and future brother-in-law.
Everything seemed to be going nicely Saturday afternoon. Junior was napping as the "adults" played cards outside on the patio. Yes, I said "outside". It's December and it was freakin' 70 degrees outside. Anyhoo...as players and seating arangements were changed up, my mother thought she would sit on the hammock.
The hammock is attached to a hammock stand, as you can see pictured below
Now keep in mind that Mom had never sat in the hammock before and was being very cautious as she lowered herself onto the swinging net of death. I was inside in the kitchen and did not actually witness the following event, but apparently, the hammock did not like my mother.
The right side brace of the stand flipped out of the base of the stand as soon as she had positioned herself on the net. It swung up, blind-siding her and dropping her to the ground at the same time. It all happened so fast, no one was really sure what had happened.
And that's about the time we saw the blood. And the gash in her forehead.
According to the Urgent Care doc, the cut went all the way to the bone in her forehead. Guess it could have been worse. Coulda been her eye.
Now, with an upcoming wedding (which means plenty of photographs) she is concerned about what kind of scar will be left after the healing process. I told her that we would just have to wait and see, but at least now we would all be aware of which side was her "good side".
She seemed to take that one well.
Of course, I'm pretty sure she was on hold with the local plastic surgeon, just in case.
Just goes to show you, it's not always the accident prone son or the grandson who never looks where he's going. Sometimes it's the sweet woman who is cautious and takes her time.
There's a part of me that thinks I'll be getting a hammock and hammock stand for Christmas, just so the possibility of a repeat at her house is eliminated.
¶ 7:22 PM0 commentslinks to this post
Hopefully I'll get some gift certificates to Lowe's or Home Depot so I can afford enough duct tape to try this maneuver out on junior
¶ 6:58 PM0 commentslinks to this post
Wrong Gift Again
Be careful this year guys..... As you can see from the video, you're gonna want to put a bit of extra thought into those gifts for your significant others....
¶ 6:53 PM0 commentslinks to this post
Back by request
I received an email from Raj with a simple request to bring back the "Daily Chuck".
The interesting thing is that I found a billboard about Chuck, and I didn't even know he was advertising!
Dear Santa..........We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams,
Dear Santa........What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Dear Thomas, All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Dear Santa.....I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Dear Santa...I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Oh, the things you'll see
Your eyes aren't deceiving you, and there were no photoshop antics involved, that is indeed a relatively newer model Cadillac.
This aprticular hoopty has been seen traversing the mean streets of downtown Salisbury. Not really sure what would possess one to modify a "luxury" vehicle in this manner, but it does provide a good chuckle every time I see it rolling down the asphalt. I mean, what are those? 22's? I was thinking more along the lines of maybe 24's, and a lift kit had to be involved.
¶ 10:03 AM0 commentslinks to this post
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