Random & Incoherent
Friday, December 29, 2006
  Daily Chuck....as read by Chuck Norris
Thursday, December 28, 2006
  Daily Chuck....with background music
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
  Daily Chuck
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
  Daily Chuck
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  Rock Star
My wife's step-brother thought it would be a good idea to give the boy a drum kit for his birthday. We are no longer on speaking terms with him.

But who knows, we might be looking at the next Tommy Lee
  Birthday Cake
Trying to decide on a cake for a 4 year old isn't an easy task, but after much deliberation he chose that Amazing Spiderman

Monday, December 25, 2006
Not quite sure about the reaction, but it was definitely Christmas morning
  Daily Chuck
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
  Daily Chuck
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
  Hammock Stand - 1.........Mom - 0
The holidays are always rough. If you've got family, more than likely someone will be traveling so that you can spend time together. This past weekend, we went to Columbia to spend time with my parents, sister and future brother-in-law.

Everything seemed to be going nicely Saturday afternoon. Junior was napping as the "adults" played cards outside on the patio. Yes, I said "outside". It's December and it was freakin' 70 degrees outside. Anyhoo...as players and seating arangements were changed up, my mother thought she would sit on the hammock.

The hammock is attached to a hammock stand, as you can see pictured below

Now keep in mind that Mom had never sat in the hammock before and was being very cautious as she lowered herself onto the swinging net of death. I was inside in the kitchen and did not actually witness the following event, but apparently, the hammock did not like my mother.

The right side brace of the stand flipped out of the base of the stand as soon as she had positioned herself on the net. It swung up, blind-siding her and dropping her to the ground at the same time. It all happened so fast, no one was really sure what had happened.

And that's about the time we saw the blood. And the gash in her forehead.

According to the Urgent Care doc, the cut went all the way to the bone in her forehead. Guess it could have been worse. Coulda been her eye.

Now, with an upcoming wedding (which means plenty of photographs) she is concerned about what kind of scar will be left after the healing process. I told her that we would just have to wait and see, but at least now we would all be aware of which side was her "good side".

She seemed to take that one well.

Of course, I'm pretty sure she was on hold with the local plastic surgeon, just in case.

Just goes to show you, it's not always the accident prone son or the grandson who never looks where he's going. Sometimes it's the sweet woman who is cautious and takes her time.

There's a part of me that thinks I'll be getting a hammock and hammock stand for Christmas, just so the possibility of a repeat at her house is eliminated.
  Redneck Time-Out
Hopefully I'll get some gift certificates to Lowe's or Home Depot so I can afford enough duct tape to try this maneuver out on junior
  Cell Phone Karma
The type of thing you always want to see happen to one of "those" types of cell phone users.
  Wrong Gift Again
Be careful this year guys.....
As you can see from the video, you're gonna want to put a bit of extra thought into those gifts for your significant others....
  Back by request
I received an email from Raj with a simple request to bring back the "Daily Chuck".

The interesting thing is that I found a billboard about Chuck, and I didn't even know he was advertising!

Could it be any more straight-forward?

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

And in the spirit of Chuck, go check out Kung Fu Apps
Sunday, December 17, 2006
  Dear Santa..........
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?



First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,

Saturday, December 16, 2006
  Dear Santa.........
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?


That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Friday, December 15, 2006
  Dear Santa........
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Thursday, December 14, 2006
  Dear Santa........
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,


Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I
give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table.


Tell your mom she got the part.
Long Dong Claus
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
  Dear Santa.......
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door.


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006
  Dear Santa......
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Monday, December 11, 2006
  Dear Santa.....
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me
get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Sunday, December 10, 2006
  Dear Santa....
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Saturday, December 09, 2006
  Dear Santa...
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Sunday, December 03, 2006
  I Told You I'd Get My Third For Poker..........
Friday, December 01, 2006
  Oh, the things you'll see
Your eyes aren't deceiving you, and there were no photoshop antics involved, that is indeed a relatively newer model Cadillac.

This aprticular hoopty has been seen traversing the mean streets of downtown Salisbury.

Not really sure what would possess one to modify a "luxury" vehicle in this manner, but it does provide a good chuckle every time I see it rolling down the asphalt.

I mean, what are those? 22's? I was thinking more along the lines of maybe 24's, and a lift kit had to be involved.
A Division of Mellanman Productions

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Location: Salisbury, North Carolina, United States

Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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