One thing I have learned about myself in the course of a year (give or take a couple of months)

Pain is not my friend.

But hanging around a certain friend seems to bring PAIN. I’m not saying it’s his fault, but he always seems to be around when something bad happens to me. Let’s run down the list of incidences:

1) Face plant (chin first) into a wooden dance floor
2) softball bat (at the tail end of a full swing) to the left kneecap
3) minor motorcycle accident involving a very large Harley-Davidson landing on the same knee that was injured playing softball
4) refrigerator door hinge bitch slapping me in the face, cutting through my lip and almost knocking out a tooth

Again, not saying that any of this is a direct result of said friend’s presence, but apparently there is some bad juju being carried around and indirectly affecting me.

But back to the pain. I have no problem with the lingering effects of pain. It’s the immediate “what the hell was that!” aspect that almost always shuts me down. In each and every instance reported above, I have gotten to the point of almost passing out. Seeing the bright white flash and feeling my eyes roll into the back of my skull, if only for a brief moment. The knee-buckling, stomach churning, nausea inducing first assault of pain.

Each and every one of these instances has left me physically scarred, if not emotionally damaged. But hey, chicks dig scars, and the mental anguish can always be disguised as a “brooding sensitive” character trait.

I guess that I’ve learned that there are certain professions that I will never be able to fit into due to my lack of an iron constitution. Never gonna be a professional wrestler or boxer. I’ve learned that I don’t like to get hit. Never gonna be a motor sport racer. I’ve learned that I don’t like to have pieces of automotive machinery grafted to my body. Not gonna be a bouncer at a club. The potential of getting hit, even inadvertently, is raised exponentially. And I’m sure I could continue the list, but I would get a cramp in my wrist from all the typing and would start bitching about carpal tunnel syndrome.

So I think I’m just gonna keep my accident prone body behind a desk for a while and see if the mojo wears off. I think the worst that can happen that way would be a really bad paper cut.
  ¶ 3:00 PM