Friday, October 07, 2005
"War of the Worlds" - - A review by Trey Raley
I went to this movie having some reservations, because I know that when the Hollywood think tank runs dry, they like to take movies that were really good thirty years ago and screw them up. But if I was going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, it would have to be Steven Spielberg. “Back to the Future” made a believer out of me. So me and my girlfriend went to check out the latest big budget atrocity of a classic film.
I have to say that I actually really enjoyed this version. The reason I know it was good is because typically when I go to see a movie I have to get up and go to the bathroom once or twice during the showing, but this movie caused me to wet myself so many times I didn’t miss a scene. I have to admit that in this case, Spielberg got it right. It truly had me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. But even though this movie had me sweating profusely (which is a small step up from my usual sweating immensely) I began to realize that I hate these alien movies.
First of all, you can tell that Hollywood is filled with liberal
sissies because every movie has some weak soft spoken President who wants to find out the nature of the visitors trip to Earth. The stupid Prez tries to communicate with the aliens and before he can say “What’s up?” New York City is destroyed. How come there is never a President that just says, “Let’s go ahead and nuke ‘em and we’ll sort out the details later.” It always has to be some jerk Secretary of Defense to make that recommendation and the President will say something clever like, “I‘m not going to risk thousands of lives.” So instead he allows all these fierce looking battle ships to hover over our major cities. Good thinking President Clueless. Thanks for looking out for us.
Also, why do aliens always have to be hostile? Why can’t the aliens come to Earth in a Volkswagon van covered in flowers? Armed only with a keg, a bong, and a bucket of strippers? They invaded Earth because they thought it would be the perfect habitat to throw a non-stop seventies disco party. Maybe the aliens are coming to try to score with some hot Earthling chicks the way American dudes do when they go to Europe. They go back to their boys on planet Otnock with some crazy sex story. I can see the conversation.
Alien 1: “Gleep glop gloop.” Translation: “Dude I totally hooked up with this Earth chick.”
Alien 2: “Click pop chang!” Translation: “Dude, you are the man. How was it?”
Alien1: “Ping pang poo.” Translation: “It was awesome. Apparently females from that part of the galaxy are much more in touch with their sexuality. Her name was Paris Hilton.”
Alien 2: “Beep boop bong.” Translation: “Dude even I know she is a slut and I’ve never even been to that planet.”
But the other thing that irritates me about these movies is that the aliens are always so much more technologically advanced than we are. Why can’t the aliens ever underestimate our powers? I could see them entering our atmosphere in their paper machee ships, attacking the US military armed with rolled up newspapers, shielding themselves with saran wrap. The aliens put up a valiant effort stretching the intergalactic war to twenty minutes. It might not be a great movie, but at least it won’t make me paranoid that every time there is a thunderstorm we are being exterminated by ET.
Back to the movie at hand. I recommend that you see the film. It was really fun to watch. Grab a bag of popcorn, a heart monitor, and some Depends and enjoy it.
Rating: Did not suck ¶ 7:34 AM
I have to say that I actually really enjoyed this version. The reason I know it was good is because typically when I go to see a movie I have to get up and go to the bathroom once or twice during the showing, but this movie caused me to wet myself so many times I didn’t miss a scene. I have to admit that in this case, Spielberg got it right. It truly had me on the edge of my seat the entire movie. But even though this movie had me sweating profusely (which is a small step up from my usual sweating immensely) I began to realize that I hate these alien movies.
First of all, you can tell that Hollywood is filled with liberal
sissies because every movie has some weak soft spoken President who wants to find out the nature of the visitors trip to Earth. The stupid Prez tries to communicate with the aliens and before he can say “What’s up?” New York City is destroyed. How come there is never a President that just says, “Let’s go ahead and nuke ‘em and we’ll sort out the details later.” It always has to be some jerk Secretary of Defense to make that recommendation and the President will say something clever like, “I‘m not going to risk thousands of lives.” So instead he allows all these fierce looking battle ships to hover over our major cities. Good thinking President Clueless. Thanks for looking out for us.
Also, why do aliens always have to be hostile? Why can’t the aliens come to Earth in a Volkswagon van covered in flowers? Armed only with a keg, a bong, and a bucket of strippers? They invaded Earth because they thought it would be the perfect habitat to throw a non-stop seventies disco party. Maybe the aliens are coming to try to score with some hot Earthling chicks the way American dudes do when they go to Europe. They go back to their boys on planet Otnock with some crazy sex story. I can see the conversation.
Alien 1: “Gleep glop gloop.” Translation: “Dude I totally hooked up with this Earth chick.”
Alien 2: “Click pop chang!” Translation: “Dude, you are the man. How was it?”
Alien1: “Ping pang poo.” Translation: “It was awesome. Apparently females from that part of the galaxy are much more in touch with their sexuality. Her name was Paris Hilton.”
Alien 2: “Beep boop bong.” Translation: “Dude even I know she is a slut and I’ve never even been to that planet.”
But the other thing that irritates me about these movies is that the aliens are always so much more technologically advanced than we are. Why can’t the aliens ever underestimate our powers? I could see them entering our atmosphere in their paper machee ships, attacking the US military armed with rolled up newspapers, shielding themselves with saran wrap. The aliens put up a valiant effort stretching the intergalactic war to twenty minutes. It might not be a great movie, but at least it won’t make me paranoid that every time there is a thunderstorm we are being exterminated by ET.
Back to the movie at hand. I recommend that you see the film. It was really fun to watch. Grab a bag of popcorn, a heart monitor, and some Depends and enjoy it.
Rating: Did not suck ¶ 7:34 AM
