Random & Incoherent
Monday, December 19, 2005
  Get you money's worth
My father-in-law recently had some home renovation work done. The guest bathroom was to be completely re-worked. I haven't had a chance to see it yet, but I was handed a nice letter that the fine folks at Renaissance Bath Design & Renovation sent to my in-laws.

I have recreated the letter here for you, verbatim, only blanking out the physical address of the home in question. No need for any crazies trying to find out who exactly is related to me.

Kay and Kirby,

(I am so busy right now that I am sending this out in advance of the project being completed so please hold onto it until we are done and done to your satisfaction.)

With the exception of your final punchlist and the installation of your medicine cabinet we are at the end of the project. I have prepared a statement for your review below. This letter shall also serve as a master lien waiver certifying that every subcontractor who did work in your home has been paid in full.

If you notice any problems or have any issues with any aspect of the project please do not hesitate to call us. We usually need to return to make fine adjustments as the bathroom gets some use.

Addition: Granite Countertop and undermount sinks: $1718.24
Less (Credit): Original countertop in project plan: ($554.20)

Net Addition: $1164.04

Final Payment Installment: $2728.98

Total Due: $3893.02

Please check my math as well - it should be correct but you know I try to keep everyone on their toes!

You both have been an absolute pleasure to work with and we hope that your new bathroom brings a little more pleasure to each day. I hope that we can use you as a reference during the upcoming year and that Kirby will be a little more candid and try to have a sense of humor!

Have a great Christmas with your family and we look forward to seeing you both in the New Year!

Gregg, Tracey, and the Renaissance Team.

All in all, a very nice letter to sum up the working relationship between my in-laws and the Renaissance Bath Design & Renovation team (outside of a working knowledge of when to use a comma, that is).

Now if you know my father-in-law, then you'll really get a kick out of the part of the letter that states: "hope that we can use you as a reference during the upcoming year and that Kirby will be a little more candid and try to have a sense of humor!"

Kirby has been called a lot of things, but a lack of a sense of humor? Needing to be a bit more candid? Not freakin' likely! And I will illustrate that point with the following letter that he wrote in response, once again, verbatim.

Tracey and Gregg:

It has been a joy working with you. We received your final total due on the bathroom and are overall pleased.

I thought I would write you rather than call on a few issues regarding the bathroom project.

Below are some charge backs from us to you.

Gregg held a sales meeting in our bathroom for his people without our permission for over 45 minutes. Charge for using our bathroom $150.00

A. Both cars were scratched trying to avoid the Renaissance trailer which was parked crooked in our driveway. Estimated damages for both cars $300.00

B. Renaissance workers making cat calls and obscene gestures to my wife as they came in and out of the house. Estimated Lawyer fees $500.00

C. Gregg stealing my pain pills from the kitchen sink. 8 pills at $10 per pill=$80.00

D. Gregg wasting my time with mindless chit-chat. Approximate time 30 hours @ $20.00 per hour = $600.00

The total cost is $1,630.00. Your bill is $3,893.02. We owe you $2,263.02. But due to Tracey's help and personal charm I will add back $300.00 so we owe you $2,563.02.

It hasn't been a heavenly experience and please do not put us on the untruthful and lying reference list that you have obviously made up.



Now, if that's not a display of candor and a sense of humor, then I don't know what is. Yes, he was joking. He's retired. He's got that kind of time.

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Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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