Filed under: Espionage
This message comes to you under the most secretive manner, and must be regarded with the utmost importance.
I remember back when we were both training at the Young Organization for Academic Spy Specialties. Yes, not a day goes by that I don't think of Y.O. A.S.S.
Remember how you said that I could never get in? Well I proved you wrong, I got into Y.O. A.S.S.
And when I got there I was scared I would not be able to measure up to the men who came before me.
Y.O. A.S.S. has seen many a great man and I was afraid I could not rise to the task at hand.
I was even going to, Oh god this sends a chill down my back every time I think about it, I was even going to pull out of Y.O. A.S.S. and you wouldn't let me.
You said that I should embrace Y.O. A.S.S. and never let go.
You challenged me to always come on time, and I did.
I came, and I came, and I came, you could say I am still coming, I am the head master of Y.O. A.S.S. now.
Anyway, lets dispense with the pleasantries.
I am sending you this high priority message because we have a new assignment for you. This supercedes all other missions you may be on.
I heard of your work at the prison, The Green Smile, good job.
This will, however, be more difficult.
You may have heard of the rash of Anthrax letters that have been sent out recently, well this has nothing to do with that.
What you are about to read is as appalling as it is devious.
The group known as Dedicated individuals Conditioned to Kill have raised their ugly heads.
That's right, my friend, D.I.C.K. is back and they want Y.O. A.S.S.
Reliable sources have said that D.I.C.K. is planning something big.
We must not let D.I.C.K. enter Y.O. A.S.S. at any cost. the price would be to high. That's why we need you.
If D.I.C.K. were to, somehow, covertly insert itself into Y.O. A.S.S., we would never know.
Your mission, If you choose to acccept it, is to keep D.I.C.K. out.
You won't be alone, you are allowed to choose up to three members for your team.
May I suggest some muscle, like that of ICE TREY, his lack of intercourse with thin women has given this man superhuman strength.
The SHEPPARD, her power to forget things will come in handy if she is caught and interrogated.
The PAINTER, she has the power to set the most complex fires and come out as innocent looking as the victims she sets ablaze.
RINTIN DINDA, the man-beast, he has the power to attract and control any dog.
Choose your team wisely, my friend, because your arch nemesis, C-Sharpe, is the new head of D.I.C.K.
We all thought him to be dead, but he has secretly been gathering an army under his new name C.L. Whitey.
I am not going to lie to you, but his henchmen are as bad as they come.
First, there is the trio of evil that has been running amuck for some time now.
Their mission is to send women into a type of labia limbo, making them never want sex again.
The trio consists of QUICK WITT, SWIFT THRIFT, and The JOHN, a man no one notices because of his silence.
Other members include 3T, also known as The Three Towers. All three women are believed to be part of a tribe of amazons that eat men.
Don't sleep with any one of them, no matter how much they may beg, because the other two will show up and critique your performance.
C.L. Whitey is now dressing like a black Colonel Sanders and has not been seen without his new, and most sinister sidekick, The WOOD.
The WOOD was once a stunt man for the likes of Gary Coleman, Emanuel Lewis, and that guy who stole Mr. Carey's wife away in "ME, Myself and Irene".
He underwent some personal problems one night, as he was getting his evening's running start to jump into bed, when the T.V. played the first ever Buddy Lee commercial.
That sent him into a tail spin, and he has been C.L. Whitey's right hand man ever since.
I hope this is enough information to start with, you will meet your team at old McConnell's.
You know him, he had a farm.
Your contact's name is DIRTY.
A low level agent, usually just a fluffer.
Your pass phrase answer is, "Underwear."
His pass phrase question is, "What were you eating under there?"
As always, if you, or any member of your team, is caught or killed, we will act as if you were a rouge team operating alone.
Good luck, God speed, and many kills.
Your friend, Papa Halo Alpha Halo AlphaThis message will delete itself in 5 seconds.A blast from the past, found while cleaning up email, from Phaha