Random & Incoherent
Sunday, May 11, 2008
  Science Lesson
Ever jerk off in the shower? Yeah, neither do I. But a friend of mine has admitted to doing it. And if one person has admitted to doing it, then I’m fairly certain that he’s not the only one. Why bring up such a topic? Not because I want to guess at the masturbatory habits of the general public, but rather to ponder the possibility of mutants.

You’re probably asking yourself right now “what possible connection could there be between self pleasure and an abomination against nature itself?”

Give me a minute.

I’m sure that everyone’s aware of the “alligator in the sewer” myth. If not, Google is your friend. Turns out that it wasn’t completely a myth. At some point in time, in some sewer, there was more than likely an alligator roaming around.

Now let’s assume for a minute that the sewer in question, home to at least one alligator, was also somehow connected to the waste line of the local nuclear power plant. Not all scientists and technicians are as clean and environmentally thoughtful as we are led to believe. So at some point a bit of the waste by-products of nuclear engineering has probably been flushed down the toilet.

Once it’s flushed, it travels down the sewer pipes. The same sewer pipes that the mythical alligator calls home. And at the same time, those self pleasure seeking showering types are also depositing DNA down the drain and into the same sewer system.

What do YOU think happens when radioactive material, human DNA, and a sewer dwelling alligator all get caught up in the mixing bowl of the underground sewer system?

I’ll tell you. Walking, talking, kung-fu fists of fury alligators begin to appear. And don’t think that they aren’t reproducing either! There are some freaky women out there. And enough drugs and alcohol available to bend the mind and make one of these tramps think that it’s a good idea to engage in a bit of the mattress mambo with one of these gator-men (for lack of a better term). You think a suave half-gator half-man is gonna turn down a free piece, even if it is for novelty’s sake? Hell no. Bottom line……..evolution. I wouldn’t be surprised if you saw a whole rash of this type of behavior start up.

And remember, every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
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Kevin O'Mellan (Whittington Appraisals): Appraiser in Salisbury, Rowan County, North Carolina

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