Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Redneck Challenge Test
We are sick and tired of hearing about the low intelligence level of
folks living south of the Mason-Dixon Line--and we challenge any so-called
"smart Yankee" to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 jars
of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense
the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of
the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers
will be consumed before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The
porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many
dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown
children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough
property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic
conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike
a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...
There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare
ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order for delivery to your home. When the driver goes to deliver
it, catch a ride home with him.
As submitted by G.H.S.
Filed under: redneck humor ¶ 8:19 AM
folks living south of the Mason-Dixon Line--and we challenge any so-called
"smart Yankee" to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 jars
of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense
the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of
the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers
will be consumed before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The
porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many
dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown
children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough
property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic
conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike
a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...
There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare
ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order for delivery to your home. When the driver goes to deliver
it, catch a ride home with him.
As submitted by G.H.S.
Filed under: redneck humor ¶ 8:19 AM
