Monday, January 24, 2005
Freakin' Monkey
My wife had left for the afternoon to run some errands. This left me at home in charge of the 2 year old. No problem. This scenario has presented itself many times before. Nap time had rolled around, which would afford me the time to take a shower, check my email, and get some laundry started.
I took junior up to his room, made sure he had the necessary nap time items, placed him in his crib, turned out the light, closed the door, and went to check my email.
I heard the boy cry and shift and rumble for about ten minutes, and then silence. As good a time as any to go and take a shower.
I had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and was washing the soap out of my eyes when I turned and looked through the glass shower door. Normally when this happens, all I would see would be a reflection of myself in the mirror. But no. What I saw couldn't be happening.
As I said, my wife had left to run errands. The garage door was down and locked. The doors leading into the house were dead-bolted shut. The only two people in the house were myself and junior.
At this point I think I might be seeing things. When did I piss the leprechauns off enough for them to invade my house and interrupt my shower? The flying monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" had come to life and were stalking me. Mini-Me wanted to feed my body to sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
No, No, No.
It was my mini-me. Junior had managed to climb his way to the top of his crib, scale down the outside, close every bedroom door on the second floor, find his way into the master bathroom, and have the cojones to look innocent.
This has been described to me as every parents nightmare. The day their young one learns how to escape their parent made prison. And as I learned throughout the rest of the day, this was not a fluke. This was not a heave-ho throw myself out of the crib and hope I don't hurt myself landing.
I timed him. It takes him less than 30 seconds to free himself from imprisonment. And unlike Houdini escaping from a straight jacket, junior does this silently with the grace of feline.
So now, we just need to decide how we're going to handle this new little bit of exciting news. I can feel the grey hair sprouting now. ¶ 10:00 AM
I took junior up to his room, made sure he had the necessary nap time items, placed him in his crib, turned out the light, closed the door, and went to check my email.
I heard the boy cry and shift and rumble for about ten minutes, and then silence. As good a time as any to go and take a shower.
I had just finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and was washing the soap out of my eyes when I turned and looked through the glass shower door. Normally when this happens, all I would see would be a reflection of myself in the mirror. But no. What I saw couldn't be happening.
As I said, my wife had left to run errands. The garage door was down and locked. The doors leading into the house were dead-bolted shut. The only two people in the house were myself and junior.
At this point I think I might be seeing things. When did I piss the leprechauns off enough for them to invade my house and interrupt my shower? The flying monkeys from "Wizard of Oz" had come to life and were stalking me. Mini-Me wanted to feed my body to sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
No, No, No.
It was my mini-me. Junior had managed to climb his way to the top of his crib, scale down the outside, close every bedroom door on the second floor, find his way into the master bathroom, and have the cojones to look innocent.
This has been described to me as every parents nightmare. The day their young one learns how to escape their parent made prison. And as I learned throughout the rest of the day, this was not a fluke. This was not a heave-ho throw myself out of the crib and hope I don't hurt myself landing.
I timed him. It takes him less than 30 seconds to free himself from imprisonment. And unlike Houdini escaping from a straight jacket, junior does this silently with the grace of feline.
So now, we just need to decide how we're going to handle this new little bit of exciting news. I can feel the grey hair sprouting now. ¶ 10:00 AM
